


Stitches

by The_Jade_Goblin



Category: Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare, Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Angst, Drama, M/M, So Sorry about that, like the kind to wrench your heart out
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-11
Updated: 2016-03-14
Packaged: 2018-05-26 00:31:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 27,875
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6216451
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Jade_Goblin/pseuds/The_Jade_Goblin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Izzy’s up for treason. Jace and Clary have fled into the Downworld, and now the Clave wants Magnus under arrest, but the warlock isn’t coming quietly. Lydia sends Alec to get the job done.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

 

Alec ran a hand through his hair, just barely suppressing the urge to land his fist in the wall in front of him. Everything seemed to be falling apart. Izzy was under arrest for treason, and Jace and Clary were who knows where, somewhere in the Downworld no doubt, hiding from the Institute. They thought she was working with Valentine, that she had the Cup. She didn’t have it, Alec had it. Was she working with Valentine? As much as Alec disliked her, he thought it unlikely, she would have surely done something by now. Yet that Forsaken managed to get into the Institute…could that have been Clary? Jace would have defended her to the ends of the Earth if Alec were to even suggest it.

Jace…

Alec sighed heavily. Everything was going wrong. His parabati was someone he barely knew now, and he blamed Clary. Part of him didn’t want to, part of him knew it wasn’t entirely her fault, but he didn’t want to listen to that part of him. He wanted to hate. He wanted to be angry. Did Jace know him so little that he failed to understand why he was doing what he was doing? Following orders was all he’d ever known, and ever since Clary was shoved into their lives he’d been breaking them, and look what came from that. Ruin and hardship. He wouldn’t risk anymore. He had to protect his foolish siblings from their actions, marrying Lydia was the only way to do that, being in good standing with the Clave, no matter how painful following some orders were, was the only way to do that. Surely Jace wasn’t that much of an idiot. The law existed for a reason. It was harsh sometimes, but it was necessary. Once his siblings knew that.

“Alexander,”

Alec froze. He knew that voice. Only one person called him Alexander, and that was…

“Magnus.” Alec turned around, taking in the sight of the warlock.

Honestly he didn’t expect to see him again, not with how they had parted ways last time he’d been here. It wasn’t hard to see that Magnus had been struggling to keep a straight face during that conversation, Alec could feel the pain in his voice and the look on his face had stabbed him right in the heart, before he’d walked away. Even if Alec had managed to say something to bring him back, what could he have said? He was sorry? He didn’t want to do this? He was under no obligation from Magnus, he was essentially nothing to him. Alec frowned. No, that wasn’t right. That didn’t sit well with him. Magnus _was_ something to him, but what, he didn’t know. Hurting anyone wasn’t really in Alec’s nature, so to watch as Magnus’ heart was torn in half in front of him, because of his actions, didn’t make him feel any better about his marriage to Lydia. His sister had walked out on him, Jace had turned his back on him, and now Magnus was leaving him too. But the law had to be upheld. It was worth it…it had to be.

“What are you doing here?” Alec asked.

“I’d hoped you’d know,” Magnus said. “I was called in, but they didn’t say why. Honestly, I have a bad feeling about it, so I came to ask you.”

“I wasn’t aware you’d been sent for,” Alec frowned.

He hadn’t been aware the Clave wanted Izzy arrested either. What about that ‘equal partnership’ with Lydia? What else had she been doing without telling him?      

“Ah. I can sense this going southwards very fast.” Magnus looked worried.

Magnus hardly ever looked anything but confident, and the worry – and the fear – on Magnus’ face sent Alec on edge. The clicking of heels on tiles distracted Alec from Magnus momentarily, and he looked up to see Lydia walking towards them, two Shadowhunters flanking her. From the corner of his eye he saw Magnus take several slow steps backwards, and almost instinctually, Alec put himself between Lydia and Magnus.   

“Why was I not informed of this Lydia? Has something happened?” he asked.

“Alec, yes.” Lydia sighed. “Something has happened. The Clave is very upset.”

“The Clave are always upset,” Magnus muttered behind Alec.

“Magnus Bane, thank you for coming in at such short notice. I’m…also sorry,” Lydia said.

“Sorry for what?” Alec questioned.

Magnus came to stand next to Alec, a hard look on his face. “Not content to just arrest your own kind, so you’re arresting _me_ now,” he said. “As if you have any right to arrest me,”

“Arrest Magnus? Why?” Alec looked back and forth between Lydia and Magnus. “ _Why_ Lydia?”

Lydia hesitated, glancing guiltily at Magnus. “The Clave has reason to believe Magnus Bane has helped Clary Fray escape with the Mortal Cup,”

“What?” Alec cried. “The Clave is wrong, Clary hasn’t even been here for days, how could Magnus have been involved in that? He was _here_.”

“And yet Clary and Jace Wayland are nowhere to be found, and neither is the Cup. Also, we believe that Magnus was also involved in helping Isabelle free Meliorn from custody,” Lydia went on.

“Sounds like an interesting story,” Magnus replied, sounding bored. “The Clave really has nothing better to do than this?”

“Do you deny involvement in these two events?” Lydia asked.

Magnus smirked. “What does it matter what I say? You think I’m guilty regardless of anything I have to say. Even if I denied it you’d find a way to convict me, and then have me killed.”

“If you cooperate we will ensure you receive a fair trial –”

Magnus burst into laughter. It was a hollow, ironic laughter, and he scoffed at her, a fierce glare on his face.

“You think I was born yesterday Lydia Branwell?” he snapped. “You think I don’t know how the Clave works? You think I haven’t been on this planet for enough centuries to know that Downworlders have no rights in your eyes?”

“Magnus please help me to help you,” Lydia pleaded. “The law will –”

“Your laws mean nothing to me.” Magnus hissed. “ _You_ mean nothing to me. I do not answer to the Clave, your pathetic little laws do not control me or my people. I am of the Downworld, you are a Shadowhunter. You have no authority over me. I don’t answer to you Lydia, and I refuse to go quietly.”

“Magnus…” Alec didn’t know what to do. Was Magnus really going to fight Lydia? “Go with her, I promise you’ll be fine.”

Magnus glanced up at Alec, his eyes conflicted. Alec didn’t know what was going on, in Magnus was involved in these things or not, but he knew that fighting the Clave only made things worse. If he cooperated surely he’d be…but Alec remembered Meliorn, who’d cooperated with the Clave, only to be sentenced to what could have resulted in his death. And Alec had been willing to sacrifice him. Izzy would never forgive him for that.

“No.” Magnus murmured, still looking up at Alec. “You and I both know what will happen to me if I go. You think they’ll show mercy, like the _mercy_ they showed Meliorn? We don’t have any rights in this world, Shadowhunters would kill us all if they could. Especially the ones who hide behind the law,” he turned his gaze back to Lydia. “Ones like you. Spineless soldiers who follow orders without questioning their morality. I am _not_ going to cooperate with you only for you to have me killed anyway. I have never answered to a Shadowhunter, and that’s not about to change. You can’t control me like your precious soldiers.”

“Then I’m sorry.” Lydia said regretfully. “But I’ll have to use force.”

Her entourage stepped forward to seize Magnus, Alec once again stepping between them automatically, but Magnus was quick, and suddenly he was standing behind Lydia, and chuckle escaping him as she whipped around to see him shaking his head.

“Ah see, there’s one thing about warlocks you have to learn my dear Lydia.” He smirked.

“What’s that?” Lydia demanded.

Magnus’ playful expression was instantly replaced with a dangerous and powerful glare, and Lydia subconsciously took a step back, as Magnus’ cat eyes revealed themselves.

“We don’t play nice.” Magnus said warningly, his voice seeming to echo menacingly though the room. “You do _not_ threaten a warlock, and _no one_ forces a warlock to do _anything_.”

He opened up a portal behind him. “I hope you’ll enjoy rising the anger of the High Warlock of Brooklyn. Because I promise you’ll live to regret it.”

“Stop him!” Lydia shouted, but it was too late.

Magnus had disappeared before anyone had the chance to even move. Lydia was frozen for a moment, before turning to her guards.

“Get after him! Take your teams and find him!” she ordered. “Search everywhere in the city, bring him back alive!”

Alec just stared at the place where Magnus had been, frowning. First Jace, then Izzy, now Magnus. Everything was falling apart. If this didn’t prove his guilt to the Clave, nothing would. Magnus had been right though, Alec knew what happened to Downworlders where the Clave was concerned. A single Shadowhunter could be discreet and merciful, but the Clave never had been. Downworlders were next to nothing to them, Magnus would never have received a fair trial or given the benefit of the doubt at all. He would have been convicted, just like Meliorn. Maybe it was best he ran. He had condemned himself to death by doing it, but on his terms, not the Clave’s.

A sudden panic seized Alec in that moment. The Cup! They still thought Clary had the Cup! He should have returned it the Clave ages ago, but maybe giving it to Lydia would pacify the Clave, then Jace and Clary would be allowed to come home and be free. Alec grabbed his stele, and ran to the training room where he’d been hiding the Cup. Unlocking the strongbox, he waited until it surfaced, and with his eyes he searched for the card that held the image of the Cup. Except it wasn’t anywhere to be found. Neither was Clary’s necklace.

Which means…she did have the Cup. And the necklace…she _was_ working with the Circle! Was she going to find Valentine and give him the Cup? And Jace was _helping_ her? He had no idea what he was doing, no idea what she was planning. He’d stolen Alec’s stele from him to help her betray them! Anger coursed through him, deeper than anything he’d ever felt. Jace had stolen his stele, betrayed his trust, and helped their enemy. That couldn’t be forgiven.

He shot up and spun around, ready to leave in search of Clary and Jace, but he paused. His stele was with him at all times, and the day Clary and Jace had run away Jace hadn’t been near him. He couldn’t have stolen it then. But how did he…?

“Magnus.” Alec whispered.

Jace had recruited Magnus to steal his stele. Magnus could have used his magic to get his stele in and out of his pocket without him ever noticing. That’s why he was outside his room that day…why he looked so shaken…that’s why he’d run from the Clave. He was guilty. He’d betrayed them, betrayed Alec.

Everyone had betrayed him. All he’d ever wanted to do was protect everyone, but now…now he couldn’t protect any of them. They’d chosen this. They’d betrayed his trust and left him, breaking the law and making themselves fugitives.

He was alone.   


	2. Chapter 2

Alec watched from the desk as Lydia paced about the room, hand pressed to her mouth. The latest team that had gone out in search of Magnus had been late back when a scout had stumbled into the office, bleeding and breathing heavily. Alec had been on his feet in an instant and he and Lydia together managed to get him to the infirmary. The scout informed them of the whereabouts of his team and Lydia sent medical staff to fetch them back to safety. Alec endured several long minutes of watching Lydia pace, and in silence they both stood, not knowing where to go from here.

“This is the fourth team Magnus has scrambled.” Lydia muttered as she paced. “All from different locations across the city, never at the same time, and each team has been significantly larger and better skilled and equipped than the other.”

“And each come back with worse wounds,” Alec added.

“He’s sending us a warning. The stronger the people we send after them, the worse they get hurt.” Lydia said, pausing in her pacing to look at Alec.

“Then stop pursuing him, before someone gets killed.” Alec insisted. “Magnus isn’t someone you’re going to catch easily, if at all.”

“He has information. He was involved in high treason, he broke the Accords. He needs to be brought in…dead or alive.”

“Lydia!” Alec cried. “You’re not suggesting –”

“We may have no choice! If Magnus keeps fighting us the Clave will insist on his death whether he gives us his information or not!” Lydia responded, looking panicked and flustered. “My hands will soon be tied Alec, he’s hurt too many of our people, the Clave won’t take this well.”

“There must be some other way, we can’t _kill_ Magnus. You can’t kill Magnus, I won’t let you Lydia,” Alec said firmly.

“What would you have me do? He’s all but proven his guilt by running away,”

“You know as well as I do the Clave would condemn him either way. Maybe Izzy’s right, maybe you do want all Downworlders killed, you just hide behind the law to do it!”

“Alec!” Lydia yelled. “I’m trying to stop this from escalating further, I don’t want to be doing this, I want to help I do!”

Alec ran a hand through his hair, and began his own pacing. His mind was reeling. Surely this wasn’t right. Hunting down Magnus was wrong, he knew that, but he knew the Clave had to respond to his escape. But killing him? No. No that was something he couldn’t possibly support. And why? He was willing to see Meliorn dead, why was Magnus so different? Because he liked him? Because Magnus unlocked things in him that should have never saw the light of day? That was hypocritical and Alec knew it. He couldn’t claim to care about Magnus’ life if he wasn’t willing to care about all Downworlders. But Meliorn could have survived the Silent Brothers, the Clave would want Magnus dead, no chance of survival. His crime was dearer, but the punishment didn’t seem to fit. Alec didn’t know Magnus all that well, but he knew him enough to know he wouldn’t do this without a reason. He helped Jace and Clary and Izzy because they were his friends, because he knew what the Clave wanted was wrong and had the freedom to stop it, a freedom Alec didn’t have. He broke the law. Jace broke the law. Izzy broke the law. But was it right? Was their punishments fit? He didn’t know. His siblings weren’t evil, they followed their hearts and acted on what was right.

_Maybe you should start living for yourself. Do what’s in your heart_.

Alec closed his eyes. He didn’t know what to do think anymore, or what to do. He just wanted his family back, home and safe. He didn’t want Magnus to be hunted, he didn’t want Izzy to be on trial. He didn’t want to be so disconnected from Jace. He didn’t even want to be at odds with Clary anymore. He wanted to run, but he knew he can’t. He wanted nothing more than to take Jace’s hand and go with him, but he couldn’t. Jace didn’t understand that he was doing his duty, he was doing what was right for him, for _them_. Jace had lost sight of duty, all because of Clary.

“Will you go?”

Alec stopped pacing, and looked at Lydia questioningly.

“I mean, you know Magnus better than anyone I know.” Lydia went on. “You’re on good terms with him, you could talk to him, this doesn’t have to turn to more violence. You could find him, and convince him to do the right thing.”

“I don’t know him that well Lydia.” Alec said.

“It’s still more than us. My hands are tied, I can’t do anything from here, Magnus doesn’t trust me or the Institute. I bet he would listen to you. Do you know where he might be?”

“Only place I can think of is his club Pandemonum, but he’s not stupid enough to go there. It would be the first place people would look. He’s a High Warlock Lydia, he could run to any corner of the world to escape us, to any number of warlock friends who could shield him.”

“But he hasn’t. He hasn’t even left the city let alone the country. Something’s keeping him here. Maybe it’s Clary and Jace, maybe he wants to continue helping them or maybe he wants to free Isabelle. Whatever is keeping him here I have reason to think you are the key. He’s different with you, I really think you’re the only one who can complete this mission.”

Alec thought about it. There was no guarantee that Magnus would listen to him, but he a better chance than other Shadowhunters.

“Alright.” He said. “I have a few places I can start looking,”

“Do you need a team?”

“No. that’ll just antagonize him. I’ll go alone.”

As he left, he heard Lydia call to him. “Be…be careful!”

He turned his head and nodded, before collecting his gear and heading out.

Magnus would never respond to a threat, and Alec especially wouldn’t try to scare him into the open. Magnus was centuries old, he wasn’t stupid. He knew how to hide, and even if their best trackers found him he’s escaped every time so far. The only advantage that Alec had right now lay in his phone. The warlock’s number. He had no idea if he’d even pick up, but it was worth a shot. He dialled his number, hoping beyond hope.

“Don’t even think I’m stupid enough to believe Lydia isn’t listening to this conversation Alexander,” Magnus said when the phone answered.

“I’m alone Magnus. I promise.” Alec said. “I’m out in the field right now, no one’s listening to me. I’m…I’m worried about you.”

“Worried for me? Well aren’t you sweet.” How Magnus managed to sound teasing and playful, yet guarded and distant at the same astounded Alec.

“You don’t trust me.” that honestly hurt more than it should have.

“I have no reason not to trust you Alexander, you’ve done nothing wrong by me personally. It’s your people I don’t trust. I should have never gotten involved in your affairs to begin with, being on the run is ruining my hair you have no idea.”

Alec couldn’t help but let out a short chuckle at that. But he had to remain focussed, he needed to find out where Magnus was.

“Are you okay Magnus? I saw the scouts that were unsuccessful in catching you,”

He heard Magnus laugh on the other end. “Oh they came out a lot worse than me don’t you worry. They say only fools rush in where angels fear to tread, yet when it’s the angels themselves that are the fools you have to wonder.”

“Where are you now?” Alec asked.

Magnus went quiet. Alec held his breath, hoping he wouldn’t discover his mission.

“I can’t tell you.” Magnus said eventually. “Even if Lydia won’t find out from you, the less you know the better. Now I have to go Alexander,”

_No! Dammit Alec do something!_

“Wait!” Alec shouted. “I – I just don’t want to get _hurt_ Magnus! None of this is even your fault and now you’re being hunted, I want to help you but I don’t know – I can’t – I…”

Alec was never good at lying, but then again it wasn’t a complete lie. He wanted to help Magnus, but Magnus betrayed him, he stole his stele, he helped Clary escape, he helped Meliorn.

“There is a way this doesn’t have to end in death Magnus,” he pleaded. “Please.”

Magnus sighed. Alec waited.

“I’m stopping by Pandemonium tonight, getting some things I need, then I’m leaving New York. Don’t worry so much I’ll be perfectly fine. I’m not turning myself in that’s suicide, I know how their sick minds work and I’ve been tortured before, once was enough thank you very much, it’s not pleasant. You understand of course that you can’t call me again. You’re marrying the woman hunting me Alec, I can’t talk to you anymore it’s too dangerous for the both of us and I want you safe. Don’t come after me, and don’t worry. Goodbye Alexander,”

“Magnus wait –”

Magus had hung up, but Alec had gotten what he needed to know. All he had to do, was go to Pandemonium tonight, and try to convince Magnus to come back with him. He glanced down at his phone. He should report back. Should he tell Lydia? She sent him on this mission, if anything goes wrong she’d want to know where he is. He promised Magnus Lydia wouldn’t hear it from him, but he was just trying to protect him, Lydia was as well. It was the same as Magnus lying to him and stealing his stele, only Magnus had no idea of the consequences of his actions. He didn’t want Magnus to suffer, but he needed to account for those actions, and any information he had on Clary would be invaluable. They needed to get the Cup back before Valentine got his hands on it. That was imperative, that was the most important thing right now. He rang Lydia.

“Lydia, Magnus is going to be at Pandemonium tonight, it’s our last chance to find him, he’s leaving the city tomorrow and we’ll never catch him. I’m going to meet him,”

“I can send a team if you like,”

“No, it needs to be me.” Alec argued.

“At least let me send a team _with_ you,” Lydia said.

“No Lydia, I have to meet him alone. No violence remember?”

“But he could get dangerous Alec, once he realises why you’re there he’ll lash out, you’re a threat to him now, let me send a team with you for your protection, they won’t engage until you’re in danger.”

“Lydia don’t send anyone. If I’m in trouble I’ll let you know, but don’t send anyone to collect Magnus, I’ll do it myself.”

“I…alright. Be careful.”

“I will.”

The sun was getting lower, so Alec made his way downtown to Pandemonium. He hoped he could convince Magnus to come quietly, or at the very least tell him what he needed to know so he could let him go. He didn’t want this to come to violence, Magnus wasn’t a threat to the Clave. He was always trying to avoid getting on their bad side, and now he was on the run from them, all because of his stupid siblings. It was his choice though, he chose to steal from him, chose to help Clary get the Cup, chose to help Jace betray Alec, and he chose to help Izzy get Meliorn out from under him. Part of him wanted to not care, pat of him wanted to treat this as any other criminal escaping from custody. Part of him wanted to hate Magnus, let the anger seep through and take him in by force. But he couldn’t let it come to that if there was a way to solve this peacefully. Lydia didn’t believe there was, and Alec wasn’t sure if he agreed with her or not. He wasn’t sure if her decisions were right anymore, he didn’t know what was right and wrong. He just knew he didn’t want Magnus to be hurt, he didn’t want anyone he cared about be hurt anymore.

Getting to Pandemonium after sunset was the easy part, hopefully locating Magnus before he sensed him would be too. That turned out to not be the case, as he rounded he building to Magnus’ loft, he heard the sounds of battle. The distinct sounds of magic and blades clashing.

_Shadowhunters_.

Alec rushed around the corner, just as a Shadowhunter came tumbling down the steps, crumpling into a heap, unconscious at Alec’s feet.

“So Alexander,”

Alec lifted his gaze, to see unconscious Shadowhunters littering the steps, and Magnus striding uncaringly over their bodies until he got to the bottom, glaring up at Alec once he reached him.

“I see you lied to me.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> don't kill me please! /ducks and runs for cover/

“I –” Alec stared. He’d told Lydia not to send anyone! “I didn’t –”

“I have Shadowhunters _literally_ on my doorstep Alexander!” Magnus shouted angrily. “And the only one who knew I was coming here was _you_! You told her I would be here! You meant to get me killed!”

“Magnus I swear I didn’t want –”

“Why should I believe anything you say? You betrayed me!” Magnus was seething, anyone could see that, but something in Alec snapped in that moment.

All he wanted was to protect everyone. And all the way along, everyone yelled at him, told him he was wrong, told him to be quiet and let the others break the rules, made to feel like he was the bad guy. Granted Magnus had never done that until now, but this was the last straw.

“ _I_ betrayed _you_?” Alec hissed. “You mean like you betrayed me?! I know you stole my stele and gave it to Jace Magnus! You let him get away with the Cup!”     

Magnus’ eyes widened, and his anger dissipated at Alec’s tone. He took a step back as Alec rounded on him.

“I thought out of everyone, with everyone treating me like I’m nothing, I would be able to trust _you_! The one person who’s ever treated me like a person, who ever saw me for who I am! And you turn out to be just like everyone else, you used me and you betrayed me! And now, just like the others, no matter what I try to do to protect you, you fight me anyway! How could you do this to me?!”

“I’m sorry,” Magnus whispered. “I didn’t want to steal from you.”

“Then why did you?” Alec shouted.

“Because even you have to see the Clave is insane!” Magnus shouted back. “You used to have a sense of morality Alexander Lightwood, and now what are you? A pawn! You’re nothing but a spineless soldier hiding behind orders to avoid making actual decisions!”

“Take that back,” Alec growled.

“Never.” Magnus hissed. “I won’t _ever_ take it back until it’s no longer true. You were a strong leader once Alec, a Shadowhunter I would have been proud to follow. But now? Now I’m just disappointed in you.”

That was it.

Alec had Magnus pinned to the wall in five seconds flat, anger and hurt coursing through his veins. He didn’t know why but the thought of Magnus being disappointed hurt him more than anyone else could hurt him.

“What right do you have to be disappointed in me?” Alec demanded. “I owe you no satisfaction, I owe you nothing Magnus Bane! Who do you think you are that you’re _disappointed_? You’re _nothing_ to me!”

For a brief moment, the look of raw pain that crossed Magnus’ eyes physically hurt Alec, but then his eyes changed to golden cat eyes and he glared, all mercy gone from his face.

“You’re right.” He muttered. “I’m nothing to you.”

With a blast of magic Alec fell backwards, hitting to ground painfully. He glanced up at the livid warlock, arcane energy balling up in his hands.

“And you’re nothing to me.” he said harshly. “You’re just like every Lightwood I’ve ever had the displeasure of meeting. I thought for a moment I’d met the only decent Shadowhunter in existence, but I was wrong.”

“Don’t make me hurt you Magnus,” Alec warned as he got to his feet.

Magnus let out a bark of cruel laughter. “You think you can hurt me little Shadowhunter? You’re a child. You can’t touch me.”

Alec ran at Magnus, drawing his blade, and Magnus was ready for him. Blow for blow Magnus matched him in every way, ducking and dodging Alec’s swings, and pushing him back and dazing him with magic. Alec had seen Magnus fight before, he knew he wasn’t using his full strength against him, and yet he still could barely land a hit. It was infuriating to know Magnus was playing with him like a child, humouring him to a fight he couldn’t possibly win. They fought their way up the steps, and on the doorway to Magnus’ loft, Alec was hit by a wave of magic, and fell backwards off the railing.

He hit the ground and rolled himself out of immediate danger like he’d been trained, but the pain was excruciating. He risked a look up, and caught a glimpse of Magnus jumping expertly off the railing onto the roof of the building next door, and hit the ground running. He was giving Alec a chase when he could have used a portal. But Magnus wasn’t nearly as athletic as Alec was, he was a warlock not a Shadowhunter, Magnus wasn’t a fighter by nature.

He was a coward.

It didn’t take long for Alec to scale the building, notch an arrow in his bow, and shoot. He watched in satisfaction (and slight guilt) as he saw the warlock fall off the roof, arrow embedded in his shin. He ran along the rooftop, and reaching the spot where Magnus fell, had to duck to avoid his arrow being magically launched back at him, a good length of it soaked in warlock blood. It missed him, and he glanced down at the injured Magnus, who was glaring fiercely up at him.

“That was a dirty trick,” he accused.

“You’re the criminal here not me,” Alec replied.

“Of course, and like a criminal attacking someone from behind is fair play.” Magnus snorted.

“Come with me and this can all go away Magnus, I didn’t want this to turn to violence,”

Magnus spat at him. “Sure! So you sent Shadowhunters to kill me first so you didn’t have to do it yourself like the coward you are!”  

Alec narrowed his eyes, and jumped down from the roof. He landed a punch to Magnus’ cheek and the warlock stumbled back against the wall of the alleyway, ducking as Alec swung at him again.

“Don’t you _dare_ call _me_ a coward!” Alec roared as he abandoned his bow and fought solely with his fists. “The only coward here is you Magnus Bane!”

Magnus dodged and weaved in between his fists, but less effectively now his leg was injured, meaning it was easier for Alec to land blows on him this time. 

A wave of his hand and Magnus locked him against a wall, smirking at him. A small trail of blood was trickling from the corner of his mouth.

“You’re right, I am a coward.” He said. “But I admit that I run from my problems, you pretend that you don’t. You’re afraid Alexander,”

“I’m not afraid of anything.” Alec spat.

“You’re afraid of everything!” Magnus shouted. “Afraid of going against the rules, afraid to trust your family, afraid of change, afraid of your own feelings, afraid of yourself! You shove everything behind a closed door because it’s easier and now you’re world is coming apart and all you can do is hit it with a stick, hoping it’ll make it better!”

Magnus’ words only served to make him angrier, because Alec knew them to be true. But this wasn’t about him, this wasn’t about his feelings. Trust Magnus to be the only one who knew him better than himself.

“I know you think I’m stupid Magnus, but don’t pretend to know anything about me!” he shouted instead.

“What you know about me could fill a thimble Alexander,” Magnus said coldly. “However, the things I know about you? I could write a book. Maybe even two. You can lie to yourself if you like but you know that I’m right.”

“The All Mighty Magnus Bane, always right about everything huh?” Alec mocked.

“I may not be right about everything, but I’m right about this.” Magnus said firmly. “You know why I’m fighting. Yes, I admit it, I stole your stele, I helped Jace steal the Cup and get it to Clary. I helped Isabelle free Meliorn, I did it all! I betrayed you, I admit it. But only because you’re deluding yourself into thinking following the Clave’s orders is the right thing to do.”

“It _is_ the right thing to do!”

“ _They’re letting us die_!” Magnus screamed. “You think the Clave cares about those of us who don’t have angel blood?! Our people have been getting murdered for months by the Circle and your precious Clave has not lifted a single finger! You Shadowhunters don’t care about the Downworld no matter what your pathetic oath says! I was there when Valentine was slaughtering my people and your Clave did nothing! I watched my brothers and sisters be massacred before my eyes while your people only cared about _your_ losses and _your_ lives! I remember when your parents where part of that, only to switch sides when it was convenient to them! I know what it’s like to not be under the protection of the Law!”   

The magic holding Alec released, and he fell to his knees.

“I know things about the world that you never will Alec Lightwood,” Magnus went on quietly. “And I know there will never be justice for Downworlders in this world. So yes, I broke the Law. I betrayed your trust to do it. Because I did what I believed to be right. I don’t trust the Clave with the Cup, I trust Clarissa. I trusted you too once, but I can’t trust someone who claims they don’t want to kill me, but is perfectly willing to kill another Downworlder as it suits him. Not even your sister’s love for him made you think twice about his death. Think about what kind of person you want to be Alexander, because I don’t think you want to be this one.”

Alec knelt there, breathing heavy, as he heard the staggering footsteps of Magnus leaving. He closed his eyes. Magnus was right. He didn’t want to be this person. This person that hurt people and left people and tortured people. He knew the Clave wasn’t right about most things, he knew they were wrong. But he didn’t want to be a leader anymore. He didn’t want to have to make the right decisions when he couldn’t even see what _the right choice was_. He didn’t know what to do anymore. He wanted his mother to tell him he tried his best, that she would take over now, that he could take a break and not have to be the strong soldier he always had to pretend to be. He balled his fists into the fabric of his pants, willing himself not to cry. He couldn’t do this anymore. He wanted everything to go away, to stop. He didn’t want it to be this hard anymore.

He wanted…

He wanted to finish his mission. He looked up at Magnus’ retreating form. _No_.

He was a soldier. He didn’t _care_ what was right and wrong. He had his orders and he would follow them. Bring Magnus Bane back alive, or dead if he had to. No one else would treat him like a child, no one else would invalidate him and his skills. No one else would make Alec as confused about himself as Magnus Bane did.

A rune of speed later, and Alec was in front of Magnus, blocking his path. Magnus’ blank expression shifted into an aggressive glare, and he growled.

“Do you need me to teach you another lesson? I would have thought you’d have had enough of being beaten up,” he threatened.

“I’m not letting you go anywhere Magnus,” Alec warned. “My orders are clear.”

“And of course you’re so closed-minded you don’t think to question them.”

“You confessed your guilt.” Alec pointed out.

“So now you’re going to kill me?”

“Come quietly and I won’t have to.” He murmured threateningly.

Magnus stumbled back, shock replacing his angry expression.

“So.” He said. “It comes to this after all. You’re willing to kill me just to do your damn duty,”

“I don’t make the law Magnus, I just follow it.”

Magnus barred his teeth. “Then you will die for it too!”  

Alec ducked just in time to avoid being burned by Magnus’ fire. Magnus was injured and off-balance, or else it would have been worse, had he hit his mark properly. Alec swung instinctively, catching Magnus by the collar and throwing him to the ground. The dainty warlock rolled out of his grip and flipped back up, meeting his fists with his arms, blocking their impact. Magnus’ arms were shaking as they locked with Alec’s. Alec couldn’t tell if it was from adrenalin, or from weariness. Either way, Magnus’ blows were getting less accurate and less strong. Then they gave up altogether, and suddenly Alec was slamming Magnus against yet another wall, the warlock by this time covered in bruises. This wasn’t right. It was like Alec was fighting a child, beating into a baby. Magnus could fight better than this, he’d seen it. In fact, Magnus hadn’t even laid a hand on him all evening, Alec didn’t have so much as a scratch on him. Alec on the other hand, had beaten the warlock into submission, and he would have been slumped on the ground if not for Alec holding him against the wall.

“Why won’t you fight back?” he hissed.

Magnus turned weary eyes upwards to meet Alec’s.

“Because I would never hurt you Alexander,” he whispered. “I won’t fight you. Not ever.”

It was shock that pulled Alec away from Magnus, as the warlock fell to the ground, and eventually catch himself against the brick, hauling himself up to stand once again, wobbling on his feet.

“Why?” Alec whispered, taking in the warlock’s shaking figure.

“You need to ask?” Magnus’ smile was so sad it broke Alec’s heart.

After everything, after all this, and he still wouldn’t fight him. And Alec…Alec had never hated himself more than he did right now. He wavered, almost hesitantly, before taking a step forward to help Magnus stand. But before he could get to the warlock, an arrow flew through the air between them, making Alec stumble back and Magnus shoot his head up in alarm.

“Back away from the warlock Alec Lightwood,” the leader of the team – Alec knew him a Jax, an older Shadowhunter that was once part of his father’s team – said, his Shadowhunter team pouring into the alley. “We’ve got it from here, you don’t need to fight anymore.”

Alec saw Magnus slump in defeat and sigh, and in Alec’s daze, he let one of the team grab Magnus by the arm, and haul him towards the team.

“Wait a minute –!”

“Let that warlock go Shadowhunter!”

The Shadowhunters spun on heel, as well as Alec, to face the new threat. Alec gaped at what he saw. New York’s vampire coven had stealthily infiltrated the alleyway and surrounded the Shadowhunters holding Magnus.

“Raphael?”

Raphael sneered at Alec, but addressed the leader of the Shadowhunter team.

“If you and your team want to survive tonight I suggest turning over the warlock to us,” Raphael growled.

“Give me one good reason vamp,” Jax demanded.

Raphael bared his fangs, as did the rest of his coven. It was a terrifying sight, Alec had to admit. Even Simon looked frightening, as he growled at them from his position next to Raphael. And then the vampires began shifting, moving out of the way. Out of the crowd came three people Alec never wanted to see in this situation.

“Let him go,” Jace said firmly. “He’s not part of this.”

“This is my fault!” Clary cried, gasping as she saw Magnus. “Magnus has nothing to do with it!”

“The Clave has gone insane.” Isabelle said. “Their orders are immoral and wrong, you have to see that!”

“Orders are orders,” the Jax said. “Sorry missy, but the warlock comes with us. Dead or alive.”

“Then you’ll go back dead!” Raphael roared.

“No killing anyone!” Isabelle shrieked over the hissing of vampires.

“You heard the lady, no killing!” Raphael ordered. “But don’t go easy on them now!”

“Kill them if you have to!” Jax ordered his men, and suddenly the battle had begun.

Alec ducked out of the way of the first diving vampires, vaguely aware of Raphael shouting orders and Clary screaming for Magnus. The sounds of battle were loud in his ears as a vampire attacked him, and almost bit through his blade before he could repel it. He heard Raphael shouting at Simon to “Stay close to me Simon you might accidentally kill someone! Yes fine go to Clary, but you better come back you hear me?” and Isabelle screaming “Don’t hurt Alec! Get Magnus don’t worry about him!” and somewhere between fighting off vampires, he came face to face with Jace. Alec didn’t attack, and neither did Jace, they just stared at each other, both slightly shell-shocked and dazed.

“I won’t fight.” Alec managed to rasp. “Not against you. Not anymore.”

Jace slowly nodded. “Then fight with us.”

Alec hesitated. And before he could think of an answer, a vampire launched itself at Alec, knocking him to the ground.

“ALEC!” Jace shouted, but one of the Shadowhunters tackled him, and the two grappled against each other, Jace trying to throw off the attacker to get to Alec.

Alec struggled against the vampire as it tore at him, but his strength was failing. “I’m not one of them!” he cried. “I’m on your side!”

The vampire blinked. It was a big enough distraction for Alec to rip it off him and struggle to his feet. Jace seemed to be okay fighting the other Shadowhunter, they weren’t grappling anymore, just exchanging blows with their fists. He’d be alright. Alec needed to get to Magnus. Bleeding from the wounds of his chest, he weaved his way through the fight, ducking beneath vampires and pushing Shadowhunters aside, until he found Clary trying to wrestle the Shadowhunter holding Magnus. He couldn’t see Izzy, but he could hear her shouting for Clary. Alec took the initiative, and threw one of his arrows at the Shadowhunter, hitting him in the arm. Magnus fell and Clary caught him, barely conscious, holding him in her arms as Alec ran to them.

“Are you alright?” he asked urgently. Jace would kill him if Clary was hurt.

Clary looked shocked at the question, but nodded. “I’m okay.”

“The Cup’s safe?”

Again Clary nodded, albeit cautiously.

“Good, don’t let anyone here get it. Get yourself and Magnus out of here, somewhere safe where Jace can find you.”

“Okay,” Clary said breathlessly. “But what about – Alec behind you!”

Clary’s warning came too late, for the Shadowhunter he’d shot tackled him, driving his blade through his hip. He screamed in pain and tried to throw off the Shadowhunter pining him, but to no avail.

“Alec!” Clary put Magnus down and threw herself onto the attacker’s back, making him fall back to the ground, but he quickly swatted Clary away like an annoying fly, the red-haired girl hitting the ground with a painful thud.

Alec’s vision was becoming fuzzy. He saw Izzy’s whip snake out and grab the Shadowhunter by the ankle, and he saw Clary brandishing her blade as the caught Shadowhunter struggled and slashed at the girls with his second hidden blade. His vision grew darker. He vaguely noticed blue flames hit the Shadowhunter’s arm, making him drop the weapon so the girls could restrain him, and he vaguely identified the flames as magic, before his eyes slipped closed. Then, softly, he felt the tingle of magic on his skin, and as his consciousness faded and he became weightless, he could no longer hear the sounds of the battle. The last thing he heard, was a single cry.   

_“Alexander!”_


	4. Chapter 4

The first thing that Alec noticed, was that he was warm. He felt the distinct itching of bandages around his torso, and could smell the scent of blood in the air. He didn’t try to move, his body aching in protest to even the slightest twitch, so he used his other senses for information. No doubt he was back at the Institute, Magnus was probably dead and the others arrested. He slowly became aware of sounds, softly at first, then sharper as he became more aware and conscious.

“…Stay still,” he could hear someone muttering.

He heard someone wince in response.

“Simon stop twitching, I can’t do this when you’re squirming around. And drink something you’re pale as a ghost,”

“I’m a vampire Raphael, I thought being pale was our MO.” Simon grumbled back.

Raphael chuckled. “Only to scare mundanes, and right now you’re scaring Clary, so drink. You won’t heal properly until you have. And stop fidgeting! I’m not much of a healer so this is difficult enough when you’re not fidgeting about,”

“Let me take over,” Alec heard Clary’ voice come closer.

Raphael sighed. “Alright, I’ll go tend to the rest of our people. Simon – drink. That’s an order,”

“But I’m f–“

“If you say fine I’m going to kick you into next week.” Raphael cut in. “I can’t be baby-sitting fledglings when our people are hurt, so do as you’re told and look after yourself.”

Alec heard footsteps retreating and leaving the room, and heard a sigh. From Simon? Or Clary?

“He’s just worried about you.” Clary said reassuringly.

“Yeah, yeah I know. You should have seen his face last night Clary, you know if I wasn’t already dead it would have been funny that he thought I was gonna die.”

“Oh Simon. Okay now stay still,”

Another wince.

From this information, he gathered he was at the Hotel Dumort. Which meant the Downworlders had won the battle last night. What had happened to the Shadowhunters? Izzy has said not to kill anyone. Alec hoped that was true. Lydia would be worried enough about him without having the teams she sent turning up dead. Alec felt anger shock up his spine at the thought of Lydia. He had told her not to send a team and yet she had done it anyway, twice! None of this would have happened had she just did what he asked. This could lead to all-out war, didn’t the vampires know that? Of course Raphael did, but he’d defended Magnus anyway. He was a Downworlder, it didn’t matter that he wasn’t a warlock, those of the Downworld stuck together, and according to the reports, Clary had managed to make both werewolves and vampires work together to help Meliorn, which was a feat in itself. Magnus was right, the only ones that defended Downworlders was other Downworlders.

Magnus…

Magnus! The thought of Magnus froze his body in shock, though he couldn’t get up he still tried to move his body, which protested and didn’t budge. It seemed that someone noticed his struggle, because he felt someone run a stele over his skin, and suddenly he could move. He shot up off the hospital-like cot and opened his eyes. They were momentarily blinded by lights, and he had to shield his eyes from them with his hand, but slowly, he gained back his vision, and took in his surroundings.

The vampires had seemed to convert one of their lower rooms into some sort of infirmary. Simon was getting his wounds tended to by Clary, and as Alec turned his head he saw Jace sitting next to him. It had been him who’d used his stele to help him up. The appearance of his parabati distracted him from Magnus.

“Sorry, had to keep you restrained so you didn’t hurt yourself again.” He explained.

“Jace…”

“Hey,” Jace said, slightly uncomfortably. “So you’re up. How do you feel?”

“Peachy.” Alec muttered.

Jace chuckled at that, and Alec gave a little smile. “You okay?”

“Yeah, Clary already healed me.” Jace said dismissively. “I wasn’t too badly hurt. It’s you we were worried about.”

“I’m fine,” Alec insisted. “Is everyone else okay?”

“I’m good,” Clary said, looking from her bandaging Simon. “Simon’s good too.”

“And Izzy? Where’s Izzy?” Alec asked looking around.

Jace hesitated. “She’s…not hurt. She had to go back to the Institute though. She made a deal with Lydia to get out of custody, in exchange for her information and help in retrieving you safely Lydia had her pardoned and cleared of her charges, she went back to report.”

“Retrieving me safely?”

“Yeah, apparently Lydia had second thoughts about the mission she sent you on, told Izzy that she didn’t want you to have to fight Magnus, so she sent a team in the hopes they could get the job done before you got there. She had you tracked, so when you seemed in danger she sent another.”

“And Magnus called us for help,” Clary added. “When he got off the phone from you he said he had a feeling he would be ambushed at Pandemonium, so I asked Raphael to lend a hand in case things got dicey, which they did.”

Magnus’ name was like a jolt to Alec’s system.

“And Magnus? Is he okay? What happened?” he asked urgently.

“Alec –”

“Jace tell me what happened.” Alec demanded. “Is Magnus alright?”

Jace lowered his head, and Alec’s heart stopped. Clary put down her tools and stood up.

“I can take you to him.” She said.

Alec hopped off the cot, and wobbled on his feet. Jace reached over to steady him, and his touch was somewhat less alien that it had been recently. He’d take that as a good sign. Alec looked back at him.

“We’ll talk.” He promised.

Jace nodded. “Soon.” He added.

Alec got his bearings, and slowly followed Clary out of the room and down the hall. In the rooms down the hall he saw vampires getting medical treatment, and in the third one down it was empty, save one occupant.

Magnus Bane.

“Magnus!” Alec rushed ahead of Clary and almost threw himself down by Magnus’ bed.

He’d never seen Magnus so drained before. Alec would have thought him dead if not for the slight rising and falling of his chest. He looked terrible. He was pale – _so_ pale – and his usually perfect skin was covered in bruises – some dark and angry, some lighter and smaller – and various cuts and scratches. Alec found the damage that he himself had done, and his stomach sank. Magnus’ right eye was blackened with bruises, and his lip had a healing cut over it. He saw bandages peeking out from under Magnus’ shirt, healing what was probably broken ribs. The bandages on his leg had red peeking out from them, and Alec saw that there had been several bandages in which he’d bled through before this set. There was a horrible gash on his left cheek and severe burn marks on his neck, Alec had no idea where they had come from but they were bad.

“He’s alive. But only just.” Clary murmured, coming to stand behind him. “He used the last of his magic to heal you, and then he passed out. He hasn’t woken up since.”

Alec buried his face in his hands. Great. Magnus was going to die because of him. Curse that damn good heart of his that always put Alec first. Why did he have to do that?! He didn’t deserve such care from the warlock, he didn’t deserve that kind of consideration, not after what he’d done! He’d beaten Magnus bloody, and the damn warlock _still_ healed _him_ first before anything else! He didn’t realise he was crying until he felt Clary loop an arm around his shoulders and hold him.

In normal circumstances, he’d have brushed her off, pretended he was fine. But he was too tired to pretend. So he let himself cry silently, and he let Clary hold him. She would apologise he knew, she had the tendency to apologise for things that weren’t her fault. She was good like that. She was _good_. She could have taken the Cup and been gone, she and Jace could have run to anywhere in the world to escape the Clave. She could have taken the Cup to Valentine like Alec had suspected. But she’d stayed. She’d stayed to save Magnus. She’d stayed to help her friends. And what had Alec done? Walked away. Abandoned them. Given up hope and refused to care.

Magus was right, this wasn’t the person he wanted to be.

"I'm sorry," Clary murmured.

“Is he going to die?” Alec’s voice was retched, but Clary pretended she didn’t notice.

“We don’t know,” she said sadly. “He used so much energy last night. Steles don’t work on him and he’s not even conscious, so magic’s out of the question. I went through Magnus’ phone and found a woman called Catarina, she promised she’d find us and come help. She should be here soon, so don’t worry Alec, Magnus will be in good hands.”     

“And if he’s not? Clary what if he –“Alec bit his lip, unable to continue. “I did this. This is my fault. I tried to protect everyone, but everything I did was the opposite of what I thought I was doing.”

“You made a mistake, everyone does.” Clary said soothingly.

“But this mistake could mean the end of Magnus’ life!” Alec cried. “And a war between Shadowhunters and Downworlders! Oh what have I done?”

Clary tried to calm him down, but there was no consoling him from this. Magus was half-dead because of him, and now he might die because he was selfless enough to save Alec’s life in place of his own. Alec took it back, _now_ he had never hated himself more. If Magus died it would be all Alec’s fault, and Alec wouldn’t be able to live with himself. Hesitantly, he raised his hand and, very gently, caressed Magnus’ uninjured cheek. His skin was cold and clammy, not at all like he remembered it. Alec swallowed a lump in his throat.

“Why?” he murmured. “Why did you have to go and do that? You idiot. Now look at you. Why did you have to save me? Why give everything to have to me?”

“Because he loves you,” Clary whispered.

“He shouldn’t love me!” Alec hiccupped, pressing a hand to his mouth as he bit down his urge to sob. “I’m nothing. I’m not worth this!”

“Magnus thinks you are,” Clary said simply. “And you’re not nothing Alec. You’re important to so many people, I wish you could see that. Jace says love makes us weaker, but I think love makes us stronger.”

“How?” Alec asked desperately.

“Magnus’ love for you made him fight. It made him do everything to keep you alive, it saved your life. Maybe your love can save him too,”

Alec looked up at her. Once, he would have argued that point. Once, he would have denied every feeling anything like that for a guy. But he didn’t have to argue with Clary, and he was too tired to anyway. He watched as she nodded to him and left the room again, leaving to finish patching up Simon. Alec sighed and resumed his watch over Magnus.

 _Maybe your love can save him too_.

How? Alec was no warlock, no powerful being that could heal people from the brink of death. He lowered his head. He wasn’t sure what he even felt for Magnus. Magnus was different, he was special. He was someone that had noticed him from the very beginning, and only ever saw him. He made him feel special, like he meant something. Magnus said tings to him that were usually directed at Jace, gave him looks people usually gave Izzy. Magnus had always told Jace to his face to shut up and would always defer to Alec’s judgement, acknowledging him as a leader from the very start. He’d treated him as the Head of the Institute, had trust in him and put his loyalty in him, only to have that thrown back in his face last night.

While everyone else either yelled at him to do his duty or criticized him for not breaking the rules with the others, Magnus had never done that. Magnus knew his struggle, understood his pain better than anyone. He gave him advice and listened because he cared about Alec’s happiness, he cared about Alec. More than he cared about himself it seemed. Alec couldn’t understand why. Why this powerful warlock chose him. He wasn’t anything special. He wasn’t the best fighter or the best leader, he wasn’t good at speaking his feelings – or even knowing his feelings – or good at making decisions. He wanted to protect his loved ones, and that was probably the only good thing about him as far as he could see, and even that he did wrong. He sighed.

He stood up, knowing that he had to go to Jace and talk this out. He leaned over and, after a brief hesitation, gently pressed his lips to Magnus’ forehead.

“Everything I said, I didn’t mean it Magnus,” he whispered. “I would never believe any of that about you. You’re not nothing to me, you mean _so much_ and I… _come back_ to me Magnus. Don’t die on me now, I know I don’t deserve it but…I _need_ you. So come back,”

Alec refused to start crying again, so he left the room. All he could do now, was pray that this Catarina could save Magnus, pray that he could patch things up with his family, pray that Magnus could ever forgive him, and pray that he – _they_ – could work through this.   

 


	5. Chapter 5

The arrival of Catarina was like a cool breeze on a summer’s day. She was the relief in all their hearts, when they saw her stalking into the room they had all gathered in. Her blue skin was in such stark contrast to the white of the room, and she scanned the occupants of the room with her eyes critically.

“Which one of you is Alexander Lightwood?” she asked.

“Um…I am…” Alec mumbled.

Catarina nodded and took a step up to him. She drew back her hand and slapped him hard across the face, her pretty features turning sour.

“I hope you’re happy!” she screamed. “I hope you’re damn pleased with yourself Shadowhunter! As if ruining your own life wasn’t enough for you, you had to drag Magnus into it and nearly get him killed! I would smack you again if I wasn’t so busy trying to save my best friend’s life! You’re lucky if I don’t kill you when I’m done!”

With that, and fierce glare, she stalked out of the room, and down to the room Raphael directed her towards. Jace let out a low whistle while Alec numbly held a hand to his burning cheek.

“So…she’s something.” Simon commented.

“She’s scarier than Clary,” Jace agreed.

“Hey!” Clary cried.

Jace grinned at her, but turned his gaze to Alec, who hadn’t stopped staring at the doorway Catarina had disappeared from. He placed a hand on his shoulder to knock him out of his revere.

“Hey, you okay?” he asked.

“I…yeah, yeah.” Alec said huskily, blinking back tears.

“Come on, let’s go onto the roof.” Jace said gesturing with his head.

Alec took a breath and followed Jace, heart pounding in his chest. He was dreading the coming conversation, but he knew it needed to happen, knew they couldn’t just snap back to the way they were instantly. The sun was bright compared to the dimly-lit hotel, and Alec found himself blinking hard as he and Jace made their way out into the light.

“So, should I start? Or you?” Jace sighed, leaning against the wall.

Alec swallowed thickly. “I think I should start.” He said.

Jace nodded. “Go on then, I’ll listen.”

Alec glanced up at him, and took a breath. “I’m sorry.”

Jace’s eyes flickered down. “I’m sorry too.”

“I wanted you to know, that I _thought_ I was doing right by you. I wanted to protect you all, I thought if the Clave trusted me I could pull strings to keep you out of trouble. I didn’t like what I was doing, you have to know I didn’t _want_ to have Meliorn killed or Clary arrested. Lately I’ve been so incredibly messed up, you know that, and I lost sight of what was right and wrong. I didn’t want to have to make those calls anymore, I wanted to be able to trust in something. I chose to the Clave. That was wrong. And yes you’ve broken the law, but you’re right, it was the right thing to do, the moral thing to do. The Clave doesn’t care what Valentine does unless it affects Shadowhunters and that’s not right. I want to help you, but you have to understand I have to keep our family name afloat as well. I need to protect this family Jace, our name is tarnished so much and I know there has to be some sort of balance between what Clary needs to do and what our laws say we must do.”

Jace nodded slowly, taking in his words. “I was asking too much of you, I know that now. I just didn’t want to fight you Alec, it tore me apart. You can blame Clary for my actions if you like, I wouldn’t blame you, because it is because of her. She made me see that the Clave is wrong and we need to strike out on our own if we’re to survive. We’re the new generation of Shadowhunters, and Clary says we need to make our own way, without following ancient rules that aren’t right. You and I have been following these orders all our lives, and they never got us anywhere good. But asking you to disobey and come with me was wrong. I’m sorry. I should have never forced that kind of decision on you.”

“I wanted to –”

“I know.” Jace said. “I know. Izzy’s right, we do bottle our feelings up too much.”

Alec gave a breathless laugh that made Jace smile.

“So I understand why you did what you did Alec. And you’re not the most stable person right now, I don’t think any of us are. And you’ve always carried most of the responsibility in the family. Maybe you’re right, maybe we can find a way to help Clary within the boundaries of the law. But what if we can’t?”

“We can’t let Valentine get the Cup,” Alec shrugged. “And we can’t trust the Clave with it either. We’re the only ones who know how dangerous this thing is, and we have to keep it safe. Clary along with it, if Valentine gets her the world will go to hell.”

“Alec, was that concern for Clary I heard?” Jace teased.

“Don’t be stupid,” Alec scoffed, but he slowly grinned in response. “She’s annoying, why would I care?”

Jace chuckled. “Am I annoying too?”

“You bet.” Alec smiled. “But you’re my parabati. I’m stuck with you,”

Jace laughed, and took a step forward. “Sorry for making you stuck with me parabati,”

“I know right? Putting up with you? I should get a medal,” Alec joked.

“Several.” Jace replied.

He held out his hand, and Alec didn’t hesitate to take it, and pull Jace in for a hug. They held each other for a few moments, before Alec let go, and bit his lip.

“You knew,” he said. “About what I felt about you,”

“I…yeah,” Jace admitted. “I never said anything because I wasn’t sure what to do about it. That was a mistake, I should have addressed it, but I didn’t want to hurt you. I ended up doing that anyway though, I’m an idiot.”

“You are, but so am I.” Alec said. “You’re not mad?”

“Of course not, why would I be?” Jace looked confused. “This changes nothing between us. I-I’m sorry you probably don’t want to hear that,”

“It’s okay.” Alec said quickly. “It’s okay Jace. You have Clary, I understand. And I…well…”

“Magnus?” Jace said slyly.

Alec flushed and ducked his head. Jace’s sly smile grew into a smug grin.

“I don’t know what it is with Magnus yet,” Alec said awkwardly. “And after everything that’s happened, I don’t know if he’ll even forgive me let alone want to see me again.”

“He will,” Jace said confidently.

“How can you be so sure?”

“I don’t know. I just…know.” Jace replied. “Whatever happens, I’m happy for you.”

“I’m happy for you too. It’s about time someone kick your ego down a bit so you’re not so self-centred.”

“Hey that’s a low-blow. True, but low.” Jace said in tones of mock-insult.  

“Still, redheads your type then huh? Makes sense, guess they’re all feisty,” Alec went on as he began to walk back downstairs.

“Hey! What does your type say about I wonder? Got a thing for glitter Alec?”

Alec shoved him, and they grinned at one another as they headed back to the others. The worst with his parabati was over. One problem down, three to go.

“Alec!”

Alec glanced up only to see a blue of red and black, and suddenly he was aware that his sister was clinging to him.

“Izzy you’re back, you’re okay? What’s happening at the Institute?” Alec asked.

“I gave my report to Lydia and she told me to come back here. She told me to tell everyone to stay here until the heat dies down, she’s working on something with the Clave. As far as I know we’re not going to get arrested just yet. She’s…actually not so bad,” Izzy explained.

Alec smiled. “Well that’s good. I’m concerned about what’s going to happen but right now we have slightly bigger problems,”

“Magnus, yes I know,” Izzy nodded. “Has his friend come yet?”

“Yeah, she’s with him now. Jace and I just needed to get some air,”

Izzy looked at her brothers proudly. “You two okay then?”

“Yeah,” Jace smiled. “We’re okay. Are you two okay?”

Izzy looked up at Alec, whose expression turned to worry.

“Izzy…about Meliorn…”

“You were doing your duty,” Izzy said stiffly, unable to look him in the eye.

“And my duty was wrong.”

That made Izzy look back up.

“I’m glad you freed him, and I’m sorry for the part I played in that mission.” Alec went on. “I was wrong. Nothing like that will ever happen again, I promise.”

Izzy wrapped her arms around Alec’s neck and hugged him tightly, squeezing her eyes shut and smiling.

“I love you Alec,” she whispered.

“I love you too Izzy.” He answered easily.

She smiled up at him, and held out her hand. Alec placed his hand over hers, and Jace placed his over Alec’s.

Izzy smiled. “We’re the Lightwoods,”

“We break noses,” Alec grinned, looking to Jace.

“And accept the consequences,” Jace finished with a wry smirk.

And for a moment, everything was right in the world again. But their family reunion was cut short by the sound of running down the hallway.

“Guys! Magnus is in trouble! We’re losing him!” Clary shouted.

The siblings were on high alert at once, and raced after Clary as she ran back to the room Magnus was being held.

“What is it? What’s wrong?” Izzy asked urgently as they pelted into the room, Catarina hunched over Magnus’ body, magic pouring out from her hands.

“I don’t know his body is just giving up!” Catarina cried. “It’s like it’s just not accepting my magic I don’t know what to do!”

Fear seized Alec’s heart. He felt cold all over, looking down at Magnus, knowing his life was at this moment, draining away. He couldn’t look away, couldn’t blink, couldn’t even breathe. The idea of losing Magnus was too much. The thought that he’d never see him smile at him again, never hear him call him Alexander again, never see the warmth of his eyes again…it was too much to bear for Alec. He threw himself down next to Catarina.

“Take my energy,” he said.

“It won’t matter, he’s not responding to anything!” Catarina argued.

“He’ll respond to me!” Alec insisted. “Please just try!”

Catarina hesitated, but then nodded. “It’s worth a shot. Take his hand and mine, I’ll transfer your energy to him.”

Alec took Catarina’s hand and reached over to grasp Magnus’ limp one in his, and closed his eyes to concentrate. He felt his energy draining away, pouring into Magnus through Catarina’s magic. He started making all sorts of promises to the Angel, that if Magnus woke up he’d never hurt him again, never do anything so stupid, never fight with his siblings so much, never drive everyone into such danger. He’d do anything to have Magnus survived. He could have everything Alec had in him if he needed, he’d give it to him. Alec had never felt so afraid in his life. He honestly didn’t know what he would do if Magnus didn’t respond to his energy, the warlock had whisked into his life so suddenly, but now that he was here, Alec never wanted him to leave. He was part of his life now, part of his world. He didn’t want to lose him. He couldn’t lost him.

It seemed like hours had gone by when Catarina finally slumped back against the wall, Alec sitting back on his haunches as they both gasped for breath. Catarina had woven her spell, and now the entire room was holding their breath with collective anxiety, wondering if it had worked. Alec crawled his way back up and to Magnus’ side, looking up at Clary who sat opposite him, staring worriedly down at Magnus. Clary took one of Magnus’ hands, and Alec took the other. Their collective concern seemed to connect them in that moment. Alec could hear Izzy and Jace shuffle nervously behind them, and feel Catarina’s intense stare on his back.

“He moved!” Clary suddenly cried. “He’s breathing!” 

Alec let out a breath that he’d held for what felt like days. The relief was so intense he almost passed out. He heard the others breathing sighs of relief and giving little cheers behind him. Looking closely, Alec saw what Clary had seen before him. Magnus’ eyes were closed, but behind his lids his eyes were moving, trying to work up the strength to frown. His hand twitched in Alec’s, and he tightened his grip slightly to let him know he was there. Then finally, the warlock’s eyes crept open.

“Magnus!” Clary beamed.

“Hi biscuit…” Magnus murmured, his eyes trained on her fiery red hair.

“You’re okay Magnus?” Izzy stepped up, smiling so wide all her teeth were showing.

“Fantastic,” Magnus muttered sarcastically.

“You had us worried there Magnus,” Jace said.

Magnus looked up slightly. “Oh…even blondie’s here to see me. Isn’t that nice…had no idea I was so important to you lot,”

“Of course you are Magnus. One of us in particular actually,” Clary smiled, glancing up at Alec, who hadn’t said anything yet, too dazed in the relief that Magnus was alive.

Magnus’ eyes slowly moved to the left, and then locked with Alec’s.

“Alexander…?”

Alec gave a wobbly smile. “Hi Magnus,” he said, voice full of unshed tears.

Alec’s hand tightened around Magnus’, and for a brief moment Magnus looked down at their hands, before glancing back at him. Magnus sighed, a smile creeping onto his face.

“It’s good to see you,”

“Good to see you too Magnus,” Alec was five seconds away from bursting into tears of relief, pain and joy, Clary knew that, so she reached over and placed a hand on his shoulder to offer some comfort.

“Okay everyone, touching moment is over now. Magnus needs rest and attention, you can smother him with affection later once he’s better healed.” Catarina said, getting up and marching about the room.

“Oh hello Cat,” Magnus greeted. “Fancy seeing you here. You patched me up?”

“Me and the broody Shadowhunter here,” Catarina said pointing at Alec. “I did most of the work, but the Lightwood boy let you borrow his energy when you wouldn’t take mine. I admit, it saved your life,”

“Alexander,” Magnus tutted drowsily. “You shouldn’t give your energy away like that, it’s not a gift card you know.”

“So I should have let you die?” Alec raised an eyebrow. “I told you before Magnus, you can take what you need from me, my energy is yours.”

Magnus fixed him with a look so sweet Alec felt his face heating up just looking at it. He ducked his head.

“Alright alright, everybody out. One visitor at a time if you please, don’t smother my patient.”

Catarina ushered everyone out of the room, and once the door closed the relief fully hit Alec, and he would have collapsed if not for Jace catching him.

“Woah Alec! You okay?” Jace asked worriedly.

“He’s okay,” Alec breathed, a dazed smile appearing on his face. “He’s okay…”

Izzy smiled. “Yes Alec, he’s going to be just fine.”

“Without your energy he never would have made it,” Clary added. “You saved him, in the end.”

“C’mon buddy, let’s get you sat down. Izzy and I will go and get us some food, you guys sit tight. Everything’s going to be fine,” Jace said, leading Alec down the hall.

Alec smiled. Jace was right, they still had so many problems with the Clave and Lydia and the Downworld to sort out, none of which Alec wanted to even think about right now, but in this moment, all that mattered to him was that Magnus was alive. It was going to be okay. He could do anything, now, he was invincible.   


	6. Chapter 6

“Alec stop pacing, you’re making me nervous,” Jace muttered.

“I can’t help it, I don’t like this waiting.” Alec said, pacing back and forth along the infirmary.

Jace sighed him from the cot he was sitting at, and Izzy and Clary looked over the food they were eating, watching Alec with sympathy.

“Alec eat something,” Izzy insisted gently. “You’ll feel better,”

“Nothing will make me feel better right now Iz,” Alec sighed.

“You should at least _try_ to eat something,” Izzy frowned.

“Maybe later.” Alec dismissed. “She’s been in there for hours now, do you think something went wrong?”

“I’m sure Magnus is fine,” Clary said, biting into her sandwich. “Cat said he needs to be in peace and quiet for a while.”

“I’d offer to take him home, but until we know for sure that it’s safe for any of us to leave, all we can do is wait here.” Izzy said.

“Do you think I should call Lydia?” Alec asked.

“Lydia promised to call you as soon as it was safe.” Izzy replied. “All we can is _wait_ brother,”

Alec sighed. “Raphael won’t be happy having us around for too long,”

“No he won’t,” came a low grumble. “Can you keep it down Shadowhunters? It’s well into the day and my people are trying to sleep.”

“Sorry Raphael,” Clary said sheepishly.

Raphael sighed. “It’s quite alright,” he said reluctantly. “You can stay until Magnus Bane is on his feet again, then I insist you leave. Staying any longer could be…problematic,”

“We can go to the werewolves for protection afterwards,” Clary said. “Luke will help us,”

“Terrific, then that’s settled. We’ll be out of your hair before you know it,” Izzy smiled charmingly as Raphael grumbled something under his breath and left them alone, wandering off to get some sleep.

Alec went back to pacing. At around 3 o’clock in the afternoon Izzy managed to convince him eat, though he felt sick to his stomach. Raphael had given them rooms on the first floor near the infirmary, and Jace had fallen asleep on the couch in the main room at about midday, Clary lying peacefully in his arms. It was strange to Alec that the sight didn’t bother him in the slightest. It was even kind of cute. Jace wasn’t usually so gentle, but Clary seemed to bring it out in him. Maybe they were meant for each other. Izzy tried to keep him occupied by playing card games with him, getting him to help her plait her long hair and challenging him to a game of riddles. The distractions worked for a while, but the worry was always in the back of Alec’s mind.

Alec’s attention was torn from his game with Izzy when he heard the sound of someone clearing their throat at the doorway. The two looked up to see Catarina standing over them.

“Magnus is asking for you,” she said pointing to Alec.

“He wants _me_ …?” Alec asked, standing up off the chair he’d been perched on.

“He’s been asking for you for an hour now actually, but I kept insisting he needed his rest. Now he’s just getting angry at me, so I told him I’d come fetch you. You only get ten minutes though, Magnus needs to be in peace right now, it’s vital for his recovery he’s been through a lot of shock in the last 24 hours.” Catarina said irritably.

Alec swallowed, and glanced down at Izzy. She smiled and nodded reassuringly, urging him to go. Squaring his shoulders and taking a deep breath, he moved forward to go see Magnus, but was paused in his movement but Catarina pulling him in close.

“If you hurt him anymore than you’ve already done,” she began threateningly. “If you break his heart a second time, if you make him cry, if you do _anything_ to affect his recovery and his well-being, you’re going to wish you’d never been born Shadowhunter. Are we clear?”

“We’re clear.” Alec murmured.

Satisfied, Catarina let him go. He didn’t get mad at her, he understood where she was coming from. She was a friend of Magnus’, she cared about him, and here was Alec, a total stranger to her, someone she knows nothing about other than he’d hurt her friend. He meant what he said though. He had no intention of hurting Magnus again. He didn’t think he could bear to see those sad eyes turned to him again. The trek down to his room wasn’t long, but he hesitated outside the door for far too long, second-guessing himself. This was it, Magnus was going to tell him that he hated him, that he wished he never saved him, that he never wanted to see him again. Alec didn’t want that, even if he knew he deserved it. He wanted Magnus…he didn’t know, to stay with him? He was getting married. He wanted Magnus to still be there though. With him? He could see himself with Magnus, the more he thought about it, the more appealing the idea actually was. He knew it was wrong, forbidden even, but the adoring way in which Magnus looked at him warmed him like nothing else could. Magnus had told him to live for himself, to do what was in his heart. He wasn’t really sure what that was anymore. But maybe he was right, maybe he should worry more about him being happy than doing the ‘right’ thing. Shaking his head to shake loose his troublesome thoughts, he hastily pushed open the door and entered the room. No going back now.

“Alexander,” Magnus smiled at him as he came in, but the smile was tight and didn’t reach his eyes.

The thought that Alec had put it there made Alec feel sick. Magnus was sitting upright now, a book in his lap. It seemed he’d been deeply engrossed in it before asking for Alec, as the book was open a little passed half-way.

“Magnus…” Alec’s voice was barely above a whisper. He had to admit he was terrified of what was going to come next. He swallowed. He wished the ground would just come up and smother him.

“You don’t need to be _afraid_ of me Alec,” Magnus’ tone was one of amusement, but his eyes were sad. “I don’t bite. Well, unless I’m asked to anyway.”

Alec sat down in the chair by the bed, relaxing slightly at Magnus’ flirting. That had to be a good sign right? That he didn’t hate him?

“You look a lot better now,” Alec said quietly.

“Do I? Oh that’s good, I thought I was going to look a wreck for a few days still.” Magnus smiled that same painful smile, the sight of it stabbing at Alec’s heart.

It was strange to see Magnus without his makeup or his hair extravagantly styled. Without his glittery eyeliner and kohl black eyeshadow framing his dark eyes, without his hair gel and fancy clothes covered in sparkles and numerous articles of jewellery adorning his body, he looked so…small. Ordinary. And right now, vulnerable. He seemed so much more like a person of flesh and blood rather than an all-powerful magical being. Like he was more delicate, more fragile, and so ready to break.

The large bruise on his cheek, left there by Alec’s knuckles, looked angry and dark against Magnus’ still too-pale skin. Almost unconsciously, Alec made to reach his hand out, but stopped when Magnus’ violently flinched, wincing as the action caused him pain. Alec swallowed a lump in his throat, and dropped his hand. Magnus’ eyes flickered down, almost like he was ashamed. Alec raised his hand again, and slowly inched it towards Magnus’ face, giving him all the time in the world to stop him. He didn’t, and Alec brushed his fingers ever so gently across Magnus’ cheek, resting them to cradle the side of Magnus’ face.

“I’m sorry.” He whispered. “Magnus I’m so sorry.”

Magnus still couldn’t look at him, instead his eyes were trained on his fingers that were fidgeting his the pages of his book. Alec ran his thumb delicately over the bruise, and Magnus closed his eyes, letting out a slow sigh.

“It’s strange that hands once so violent can be so gentle,” he murmured, almost to himself.

“Are you…are you okay?” Alec kept his voice quiet, like the fragility of the situation would shatter if he spoke loudly.

Magnus angled his head slightly to lean into Alec’s hand. “Yes.” He answered. “I’m okay. A little drowsy, but that’s to be expected. Cat says I’m going to be just fine. You don’t need to worry Alexander.”

“That’s not going to stop me worrying,” Alec said.

“No?” Magnus opened his eyes, and looked over at Alec. “And why would you worry so much about me? I’m just a Downworlder,”

“Not _just_ a Downworlder. Not _just_ a warlock either.” Alec replied instantly. “You’re Magnus Bane, and you deserve better than such a title.”

Alec let his hand drop to his side and Magnus stared at him like he didn’t know him. Alec looked down at his hands, unable to look at Magnus anymore.

“I understand if you hate me,” he said. “I’d hate me too for what I did.”

“Hate you?” Magnus sounded confused, surprised, even shocked that Alec would ever suggest such a thing. “I could never hate you Alexander,” Magnus continued. “Not even if I tried. And believe me, I tried. Been trying to all day in fact. Didn’t work.” He gave an ironic laugh. “Sad really, that I can’t even muster up the will to be angry.”

“You should hate me.” Alec grumbled.

“You sound like you want me to,”

“It’s what I deserve,”

Magnus sighed softly, and Alec felt long fingertips under his chin, tilting his head upwards.

“Alexander…” he sighed. “Don’t. Please don’t. You deserve none of this, and you never will.”

“I almost killed you. I almost _got_ you killed.” Alec said soulfully. “And the things I said to you…”

“I wasn’t exactly nice either. I also kind of started it.”

“Magnus that’s not the point.”

“Then what is the point?”

“The point is that you shouldn’t have saved me!” Alec cried, burying his face in his hands. “You shouldn’t have used the last of your magic and nearly kill yourself to heal me, you shouldn’t have healed me at all, you should have just left me to die! It would have been better.”   

“Alexander!” Magnus gasped.

“You know it’s true.” Alec said mournfully.

“No,” Magnus whispered. “No it’s not, you stupid Nephilim. I _never_ want to see you hurt, Alec if anything were to happen to you I –”  

Alec glanced up as Magnus bit his lip and looked away, hands squeezing into balls in his lap.

“I antagonized you on purpose, at Pandemonium.” he admitted. “I thought it the only way to make you see sense. It hurt me to say those things to you, and I never meant a single word. I’m sorry Alec, I’m sorry I stole from you, I’m sorry I betrayed you, and I’m sorry you got hurt because of this. I’m sorry…”

“Magnus don’t.” Alec pleaded, reaching over and taking both Magnus’ hands in his. “You have nothing to apologise for.”

Magnus gave him a look.

“Well okay, maybe some things. But I have things to be sorry for too. I made you feel like you were nothing, I’ve honestly never been that cruel before and…looking back on it now…I’m disgusted with myself. I never meant anything I said to you. I never wanted to hurt you I…” Alec broke off, feeling tears gathering in his eyes, and looked down, squeezing Magnus’ hands to stop himself crying.

“Don’t cry Alexander, please don’t cry.” Magnus said sadly, leaning forward and just barely resting his forehead against Alec’s. “Calm down, it’s alright. I forgive you. It’s okay, you don’t need to be upset anymore. I’m fine and you’re fine and everything is okay, so don’t cry.”

Alec took a gulping breath, and nodded once. For a brief moment he felt Magnus’ lips on his forehead, but when he looked up Magnus had leaned back against his pillows again, slipping his hands out of Alec’s. He smiled at his confused expression.

“Returning the favour,” he said.

Alec recalled how he’d kissed Magnus’ forehead several hours before, when he was still unconscious

“You heard me?”

“I could hear a little. Not much, it was fuzzy.” Magnus frowned. “I could sense you though, knew you were there. It made me feel safe. But then you were gone, and everything was so cold. I thought I was dying. Then I felt you again, but you were different. I remember how your energy felt the last time you gave it to me, only this time it was much more intense. You wanted me to wake up, so I did. I didn’t want to make you sad.”

“Magnus…” the sheer selflessness of this warlock never failed to amaze him. “You can’t seriously…after everything I…you still…?”

Alec swallowed, and forced himself to continue. No backing down now. “You love me?”

Magnus smiled softly. “Silly Shadowhunter,” he murmured, his eyes full of affection. “Of course I love you. I would have thought that was obvious.”

Alec let out a breath he didn’t know he’d been holding.

“I don’t expect anything from you Alec,” Magnus said quickly. “You are, after all, still engaged to be married. And I wouldn’t come between you and your decision to marry Lydia. I would just like you to be able to have the luxury of following your heart for once.”

“I’m not sure what my heart wants anymore,” Alec sighed, looking down.

“Listen very carefully. It’ll tell you.”

Alec reached over to grab Magnus’ hand. It was warm now, unlike the cold hand he’d held that morning. He mulled over Magnus’ words in his head.

“Say I wasn’t getting married,” he began. “What then?”

“You’d have to at least call me, that’s common courtesy don’t you know.” Magnus said, slightly amused at Alec’s train of thought.

“And after I called you?”

“Well I have to take you to Paris, that’s an absolute must. But a bit extravagant for a first date, and you get nervous easily so something simple?”

Alec gave a small smile. “And if I wanted to take you out instead?”

“I’m always free Friday nights,” Magnus smiled.

“Yeah? And then we get married after dinner?”

“Buy me a drink first handsome.”

“Such hard work.” Alec teased.

“But worth it,” Magnus winked.

Alec laughed breathlessly, looking down at their joined hands.

“As wonderful as the idea is Alec, where is this thought of yours going exactly?” Magnus enquired, keeping his tone casual, as if asking about the weather.

“I’m not sure.” Alec admitted. “I don’t know…exactly, what it is that I…feel about you Magnus…but I know what you make me feel.”

He glanced up at Magnus, blushing hard but forcing himself to keep going. Magnus had a right to know his heart.

“You make me feel like I’m the only person that matters, like I’m an actual person that’s allowed to have feelings and struggles, not the soldier that everyone treats me like. You know me, you _understand_ me, better than Jace and Izzy combined. You make me feel like I’m important, like I’m special, like I’m…”

“Loved?” Magnus suggested, his dark eyes smouldering.

“Yeah,” Alec breathed.

“That’s because you _are_ all of those things Alexander.” Magnus said.

“I’m not so sure,” Alec mumbled, looking down.

Magnus sighed. “I wish you could see yourself like I see you Alec, it hurts me to know you think so little of yourself.”

“There’s not much else to think of me.” Alec shrugged. “Why me Magnus? Why choose me? What exactly do you see in me?”

“I see an amazing man that deserves the world,” Magnus replied softly. “And I would give him that, if he asked me to. I see a man who cares so much about everything, who is always the first person to sacrifice himself and his happiness for others, who is always the protector, always the one who takes the fall for the team. I see a man so dedicated to duty that he’s willing to do anything to serve honourably. A man so selfless and noble he thinks of himself so below everyone else, and no one ever notices him like he should be noticed. They never see him for the incredible leader and talented fighter he is, nor how fierce he can be in one moment and so caring in the next. I see a man who looks at his reflection and sees nothing worthwhile, and that breaks my heart Alexander, because you are worth everything in this world, and I wish you could see that.”      

“You see all of that in me?” Alec whispered, eyes filled to the brim with tears.

“Of course I do. I knew from the moment I saw you that you carried the weight of the world on your shoulders, yet you never complain that it’s heavy. You forget also, that I’ve taken your energy twice now. There’s a certain…connection, which comes from that. Helps magnify what I already saw.”

Alec hung his head.

“You’re a good man Alec,” Magnus insisted. “Whatever you might think. You are a Shadowhunter, one that I am proud to follow.”

Magnus reached over to take his other hand.

“I could make you happy, if you wanted me to.” He said quietly. “I’d like to. I’d like to help you see you as you are, I’d like to show you just how special you are and what you’re worth. You don’t have to condemn yourself to a life of misery,”

“Is it bad that I want that life?” Alec questioned, tightening his grip on Magnus’ hands. “That life with you and nothing else?”

“Of course not. You don’t have to be afraid of who you are, the heart wants what it wants you can’t fight that. Believe me I’ve tried, and I’ve had over 400 years to try and combat it and let me tell you now, it’s basically impossible.”

Alec smiled at that.

“There you go, that’s better.” Magnus beamed. “I missed your smile.”

Alec chuckled, glancing up at Magnus. He squeezed his hands.

“Magnus…I don’t know what I feel for you…but I…I think I’d like to find out,” Alec mused. “You love me?”

“Yes.” Magnus answered immediately.

“I don’t know if I love you,” Alec admitted. “But I _want_ to love you. I want…I want to be able to make you happy, I want to make you smile and I want you to look at me like you do all the time…you’re the only one who looks at me like _that_ , and if I marry Lydia I can’t do any of that with you…the last thing I want to do is hurt you any further, I want you to keep smiling at me…I don’t know how I’m not good at this, I’m a horrible kind of person with this and I don’t know…that is I can’t…”

“Alexander,” Magnus whispered.

Alec’s eyes flicked to meet Magnus’ and he realised he was a lot closer that he’d thought. Alec wet his lips.

“Yeah?”

“Just kiss me.” Magnus breathed.

With all the nervousness of a teenager, but all the confidence of a soldier, Alec leaned in, and pressed his lips to Magnus’.

_To be continued…_


	7. Chapter 7

“Can I see him yet?” Alec asked, hovering about the door like a lost puppy.

Catarina smiled at him. Okay, maybe she was growing fond of the little Shadowhunter, and Magnus had certainly been much happier since their talk.

“Not yet he’s just woken up. Let him eat first, then you can see him.” She said patiently. “Why don’t you help your sister keep a lookout for Shadowhunters in the meantime?”

“Yeah, yeah okay.” Alec was off before he even finished the sentence, heading to the roof to find Izzy.

Magnus was slowly on the mend, to everyone’s great relief. Apparently while on the run he’d been hurt more than he said he had by the teams of Shadowhunters that had been hunting him, so his natural ability to heal quickly was somewhat out of whack at the moment. It had already been four days since coming to the Hotel Dumort and Catarina still wouldn’t let him out of bed. To say the warlock was getting cranky with her constant vigilance was an understatement. He was so annoyed at his friend’s hovering he’d taken to using his portals to sneak Alec into his room after what Cat deemed ‘visiting hours’ so he could see him. Alec didn’t exactly approve of Magnus wasting his magic like that, but it meant he was getting better, and if he asked to see him, Alec came running every time.

Alec had been feeling strange ever since their kiss in fact, as though he were…running out of time. He knew it was only a matter of time before Magnus was fully healed and they had to return to the Institute to face the consequences of their actions. And what would be waiting for him there? Lydia. Marriage. He sighed. He didn’t want that, so every day that Magnus grew stronger Alec was panicking, thinking that his time with the warlock was running out far too quickly. And so he tried to spend every waking moment with him, like that would make up for what was about to happen in some way. Alec didn’t know what to do anymore. He couldn’t just give up his Institute to Lydia, he needed to keep his family in power and in favour with the Clave by striking a good match. Magnus understood that – he was almost annoying in his understanding nature – and simply took whatever Alec could give him, refusing to even think about the future. It would hurt them both, Alec knew, to just go back to how it was, and that was something neither of them wanted. But could it be avoided? Alec wasn’t so sure. He sighed, and made his way onto the roof where his sister sat on watch.

“Anything?” he asked.

“Well since yesterday’s attack I think they got the message,” Izzy said nonchalantly.

A group of Shadowhunters had come for Magnus, thinking the vampires were hiding him. What they didn’t expect, was to be faced with a team of Shadowhunters with an army of vampires always willing to fight Nephilim. They hadn’t come back, and no new teams had arrived, but it had startled the team, and they were on high alert. Nothing had been said to Magnus, however he had frowned at the scars on Alec’s arms that he’d acquired during the short battle, and even as he healed them Alec told him nothing, just a training exercise with Jace gone wrong, he said. Magnus hadn’t believed him of course, but didn’t question him further. Alec had insisted that Magnus not use his magic to heal what was just some little scratches, but Magnus had not taken no for an answer.

_“Alexander Lightwood, sit down right now and let me heal you!” he shouted._

_“Magnus you don’t need to be wasting your magic, I can ask Cat to –”_

_“ **No**!” Magnus cried. “I’m not having another warlock’s hands on you,”_

_Alec winced as Magnus tugged him down to his level so he could heal him. He looked at him quizzically._

_“Cat’s your friend,” he said._

_“She also has a thing for strapping young athletic men. That means you by the way. You think I trust her to behave herself around you? **I** can barely control myself around you, I can’t expect her to behave.” Magnus said, slowing running magic sparks down Alec’s arm to heal the cuts._

_Alec laughed, grinning at the warlock. “Is that right? You can’t control yourself?”_

_Magnus looked slightly bashful. “Well,” he stammered. “It’s hardly my fault is it? You can’t go around looking like you do and expecting me to **not** go crazy.  It’s rude.”_

_“I look like this normally,” Alec said confused._

_“I know,” Magnus smirked. “Or have you not noticed the way I look at you?”_

_Alec coughed awkwardly. “I did notice.”_

_Magnus chuckled. “Good. And besides, the art of healing someone is quite intimate. I have to admit, I don’t like the idea of another warlock healing you. I know I don’t exactly have a claim on you or anything, I have no right to demand that only I heal you but…”_

_“It’s okay Magnus,” Alec smiled. “If you don’t want me to, then I won’t. You’ll be the only warlock to use magic on me I promise.”_

_“Thank you.” Magnus sighed. “There. All done. I’d kiss it better but I think I’d be overstepping my boundaries.”_

_“You could always kiss me instead,” Alec teased._

_“Oh you little devil, don’t tease me like that. So inconsiderate.” Magnus rolled his eyes, but grinned as he tugged Alec down, laying a chaste kiss on his lips. “Now get out of here, I’m tired now.”_

_Alec laughed and left the warlock to his rest._

They hadn’t really worked out how to act around each other yet. Magnus acted as he always did, all flirting and acting coy, but Alec was awkwardly learning how to respond. It was a lot easier than he’d thought it would be, or maybe that was just because it was Magnus and not someone else. Everything seemed easier with Magus. But with the engagement looming over their heads, Magnus had been very cautious in everything he said or did around Alec. He didn’t like to initiate anything unless he had Alec’s expressed permission. Alec sighed again.

“You’re in love,” Izzy smiled, watching her brother lost in his own thoughts.

“Huh?” Alec turned to her.

“Don’t deny it you’ve been sighing for three days,” Izzy smirked. “You’re in love with Magnus.”

“It doesn’t matter even if I was Iz, I’m getting married remember?”

“That’s not set in stone.”

“Isn’t it?” Alec sighed heavily.

“Alec, I told mom that I would do anything for your happiness. I meant that. Let me marry someone of high standing, let me keep this family afloat. You don’t have to be the one to always give up everything, let someone else take the fall this time.” Izzy rested a soothing hand on his back.

The idea was tempting, he admitted that. He could be with Magnus, be free to explore his own life. But no, he couldn’t let his little sister be trapped in an unhappy marriage. Not when she had Meliorn to think about.

“I can’t let you do that Izzy. I’m the oldest, I’ll take responsibility.” He said.

Izzy sighed sadly. “You don’t have to…”

“Yes I do.”

Izzy wrapped her arms around her too-tall big brother, and they stood there on the roof in silence, trying to take comfort in each other for a brief moment.

 

“You scared Alexander away didn’t you?” Magnus looked amused, glancing up from the mirror where he was doing his eyeshadow.

“That boy, has got to be the most love-sick puppy I’ve ever seen,” Cat smirked. “He can’t stay away from you, it’s almost too sweet for my taste,”

Magnus laughed. “He’s not love-sick,”

“No? Tell that to him next time I tell him he can’t see you, you watch his face just fall in utter disappointment. It’s fun to watch sometimes,”

“You’re such a sadist. You shouldn’t tease him like that,” Magnus chastised.

 “You two shouldn’t even be carrying on like this anyway, he’s engaged.” Cat reminded him,

Magnus sighed and put his mirror down. “I know.” He muttered. “What am I doing Cat?”

“Setting yourself up for heartbreak again.” Cat said pointedly.

At Magnus’ crushed expression, she quickly went on. “Or not!” she gave a nervous smile. “I mean hey, he could always call it off,”

“And what? Run off with me?” Magnus snorted. “Don’t be stupid Cat. He’s a Lightwood, he’ll do his duty to his family if it kills him.”

Magnus fell back against the pillows, pouting and sulking. Cat shook her head. God her friend had it bad for the Shadowhunter boy.

“Not every love story ends in tragedy Magnus,” Cat said.

“They do in my experience.” Magnus huffed.

Cat sighed and sat beside him. “Come on, let me help you finish your makeup before your boy-toy comes back to see you,”

Magnus rolled his eyes, but sat up and let her apply his glittery eyeliner. His thoughts drifted to Alec while she worked.

“Is he at least a good kisser?” Cat asked slyly.

Magnus chuckled. “Not even close.” He murmured. “But I don’t mind.”

He remembered their first kiss. He’d never be able to forget it. In all his life he’d never had a more perfect first kiss.

_There was a unique taste to Alec’s lips that Magnus couldn’t describe. He could have a lifetime kissing those lips and he’d never be able to describe how they tasted. But even with that simple touch he was addicted. Alec was nervous, that much was obvious. Magnus made all his movements slow, reaching up to cups his face in his hands and shift forward a little bit, not wanting to push Alec for more or make him rush and be uncomfortable. He let Alec take the lead, which he was sure the Shadowhunter actually resented him for afterwards since he had no idea what he was doing and Magnus was much more experienced than him. But it was important to Magnus that Alec take this at his own pace. He had asked him to kiss him, and Alec had, but on his terms, not Magnus’. He didn’t want this to be forced or wrong._

_So it shocked him when Alec leaned his body forward, his arms leaving on the bed, and angled his head, pushing into Magnus, trying to deepen the kiss. Magnus swallowed his surprise, and opened his mouth for Alec. The Shadowhunter was hesitant, but Magnus guided him into the kiss, and soon his fisted hands relaxed in the sheets, and one of his hands reached up to caress Magnus’ face. Alec pulled away for air, and after a breath he kissed Magnus again, open-mouthed and hot. The suddenness of Alec’s second kiss elicited a tiny squeal from Magnus, and Magnus felt Alec smile against his lips. Damn Shadowhunter thought he could play him did he? We’ll see about that. Magnus bit Alec’s lip, gently at first, then harder when he heard a quiet moan come from the boy._

_Again they pulled back to breathe, and again they dived forward to attach their lips once more, like they couldn’t breathe without each other. Magnus’ hands moved down to grip Alec’s shoulders, and Alec’s settled around his waist, pulling him impossibly close as they kissed. The third kiss was heavier than the last two, and a bit rougher. Alec didn’t mean to, but the wound on the corner of Magnus’ split lip began to sting, and he pulled away with a pained noise._

_“I’m sorry,” Alec breathed. “I’m sorry did I hurt you? I’m sorry,”_

_“It’s okay.” Magnus laughed breathlessly. “It’s okay. I’m alright. You’re just…full of surprises Alec Lightwood.”_

_Alec smiled. Magnus rested his forehead against the other boy’s, unable to stop grinning. They laughed, and kept laughing, smiling at one another like they were the only two people on Earth. Magnus could get used to this. He certainly wanted to._

_“Sorry for being such a bad kisser,” Alec said bashfully. “I’ve never kissed anyone before.”_

_“I’m your first kiss?” Magnus’ eyebrows raised. When Alec nodded embarrassedly he smiled and ran his thumb over Alec’s cheekbone. “Oh Alec…” he giggled. “There’s nothing wrong with your kissing, believe me. That was perfect.”_

_“I hurt you,” Alec murmured, brushing his fingers over Magnus’ split lip._

_“Even still.” Magnus smiled. “No one’s ever kissed me like that before,”_

_“Like what?”_

_Magnus looked down shyly. “Like I was their everything.”_

_Alec’s heart leapt to his throat. “Then no one ever realised how lucky they were to have you,” he said quietly. “And they weren’t worthy to have you as their everything.”_

_He decided to be brave, and tuck his fingers under Magnus’ chin to tip his head back up. He kissed him again, softly this time, and sighed when Magnus’ arms wrapped around his neck. Magus had never felt quite like this before. Here, cradled in Alec’s arms, he had never felt more at peace. In all his long years of love and loss, not once had his heart beat so frantically as when Alec kissed him. Alec for his part, had never felt anything like this before. With Magnus he felt like the only person that mattered, that he was the most beloved person in the world. And he didn’t want to ever stop._

Magnus had no idea how long they’d spent kissing, but he distinctly remembered Cat interrupting them several minutes later. He still smiled at the memory of Alec’s beat red face, even as he has laughed at his embarrassment then, he had taken his hand and stroked it with his thumb reassuringly, Alec self-consciously looking downwards but smiling.

“Someone’s in love,” Cat giggled as she finished touching up the makeup around Magnus’ eyes. “You’re practically glowing Magnus,”

“You’ve seen me in love before Cat,” Magnus murmured.

“I have, but you’ve never been like this.” Cat said. “That boy will be good for you if he doesn’t break your heart again,”

Magnus sighed sadly.

“It’ll work out,” Cat assured. “You used to believe true love never died.”

“That was before I grew up, and learned that true love doesn’t exist.” Magnus muttered, taking the mirror from Cat and beginning to fix up his hair.

“Just because you haven’t found your true love –”

“I thought Camille was, and you see how that turned out.” Magnus pointed out.

“So? You were wrong,” Cat shrugged. “I never liked Camille anyway,”

“Of course you didn’t, she could rock red lipstick better than you,” Magnus said mildly.  

“Hey that’s not the only reason!” Cat said defensively.

“She also pulled off leopard print better if I recall, you always hated that.” Magnus went on.

“Now you’re just being mean,” Cat sniffed.

Magnus cracked a smile. “You’re right of course, about Alec. It does feel different with him. But I’ve been alive long enough to know how this goes. It’s not going to end well,”

“You don’t know that.” Cat shook her head.

Their conversation was interrupted by the opening of the door, Alec poking his head inside.

“We have trouble,” he said.

“What kind of trouble?” Magnus asked.

“It’s Lydia,” Alec said walking into the room. “She wants to see us. _All_ of us.”


	8. Chapter 8

“Could you _stop_ pacing?” Clary cried, watching Alec and Jace pace back and forth, each going the opposite way from each other. “It’s not going to solve anything!”

“As much as I don’t mind the view from here, biscuit has a point,” Magnus shrugged from the doorframe he was leaning on, eyes trained on Alec. “You two look like donkeys with your swaying back and forth trying to think.”

“Magnus,” Alec frowned. “You shouldn’t be up.”

“I’ve been bed-ridden for four days Alexander I am _fine_.” Magnus insisted.

He held up a hand and blue flames rose from his palm, flying all the way around the room, around Alec’s head, and back to Magnus’ hand.

“See? Power fully restored. I am once again, the most powerful warlock in New York. Now, are we going to discuss our current problem or are we going to baby me for the next twenty minutes?”

“Babying you is so much fun Magnus,” Catarina grinned. “I vote for babying.”

Magnus glared at her. “I’m older than you Cat,”

“Yes, and you’re grumpier too.” Cat teased in a baby-like voice.

“Why are we friends?” Magnus groaned, slapping his forehead with the palm of his hand.

“Because I get you tickets to Fashion Week every year,” Cat smirked.

“The only reason I like you yes,” Magnus agreed.

Clary looked between the two, trying not to burst into laughter. She didn’t succeed.

“Well, at least someone’s amused.” Magnus grinned. “You could almost believe we’re not all about to die,”

“I’m sure we’re not going to _die_.” Izzy said mildly. “Arrested maybe yeah, but not die.”

“Speak for yourself. All you’ll get in banishment, I’m a Downworlder they’ll execute me on the spot,” Magnus scoffed.   

“ _No one_ is executing you.” Alec said firmly.

“That’s sweet Alec but unfortunately you won’t have much of a say.” Magnus said. “This is what I get for getting involved with Shadowhunters. Should have never opened my door to you to begin with.”

“If we’re done feeling sorry for ourselves,” Jace said loudly, drowning out Magnus’ complaints. “Can we think of a plan please? I don’t like just waltzing into a trap like a sitting duck.”

“Hair’s bright enough to be one though,” Simon muttered.

Magnus struggled to keep a straight face at that. Jace ignored him.

“Lydia said she wanted to see us all. Did she mention why or what for? Are we walking into a trap Alec?” Jace asked.

“She just told me to bring everyone back to the Institute. To work through this she said.” Alec replied.

“Is it okay to say that I kinda hate this woman?” Simon enquired.  

“Simon, she’s Alec’s fiancée,” Clary chastised.

“O-Oh. Sorry,” Simon said sheepishly, while Alec glanced briefly at Magnus’ sorrowful expression.

“When you idiots make a decision come get me,” he grumbled, pushing himself off the wall and stalking out of the room. Catarina went with him.

Alec sighed. “Thanks Clary,” he muttered sarcastically.

“Sorry,” Clary mumbled.

The conversation between the Shadowhunters went mostly back and forth to amount to nothing. They had no information to go on, and most all were convinced they would be walking into suicide. Alec tried to defend Lydia, but even he didn’t know her that well. He couldn’t tell if she was planning anything sinister, not after sending those Shadowhunters after Magnus when he’d told her not to.

One thing was for sure though, Alec was not letting Lydia arrest any of his family. He wasn’t going to let her take the Cup from Clary, he wasn’t going to let Jace and Izzy suffer and he wasn’t going to let her do _anything_ to Magnus. The warlock had been roped into these events out of sense of loyalty to those who had shown him kindness in the past, and to help Clary. He was none too fond of Jace but Jace was helping Clary. When the news of Clary’s disappearance had become common knowledge, Magnus had texted Alec, telling him to look after his precious biscuit, and not let anyone hurt her. For Magnus’ sake, and Jace’s sake, Alec would do just that. But they couldn’t avoid the Clave forever.

“We move at sundown,” Alec said, interrupting all the arguing voices in the room.

Everyone stared at him.

“We’re going to the Institute. Armed, and ready for anything. We handle this like adults, we protect each other, but we cooperate. If at any moment things seem to be going southwards, we fight our way out of there and disappear into the Downworld, fighting Valentine in any way we can from there. Agreed?”

The others looked at one another, and then back to Alec. They nodded. Alec wasn’t sure this was a good idea, he wasn’t sure any of this was a good idea, but he knew his family. They would no longer listen to the Clave and their brutal orders. And honestly, neither would Alec. Sundown was still a few hours away, so they had a while to prepare for the journey through the city. Simon went reluctantly to bed, having been up practically all day he was exhausted. While the others packed up their things and their weapons, Jace using the last few hours left to get in some training with Clary, Alec headed to find Magnus and tell him their plan.

Magnus wasn’t in his room, nor was he anywhere on the first floor. Alec could find so sign of Catarina either. He decided to simply call the warlock.

“Magnus where are you?” Alec asked.

“I’m on the roof with Cat. You know it’s been days since I got any sunlight. Honestly vampires, it’s no wonder they all look like Thriller rejects,” Magnus replied.

“Mind if I come up? We worked out a plan.”

“Not at all, feel free.” Magnus said, slight tiredness to his voice.

“I’ll see you in a sec then,” Alec hung up and made his way to the rooftop.

Magnus and Cat were sitting down, backs against the wall, talking. The conversation the two warlocks were having went over Alec’s head, so many names and places and things he’d never heard of before to understand it.

“Cat was just saying goodbye,” Magnus supplied as Alec sat down beside him.

“You’re leaving? Now?” Alec questioned.

“My work is done. Magnus is back to normal and I have patients to get back to. I’m a busy woman you know Shadowhunter, I would have ignored Little Miss Red if she hadn’t called for help with Magnus. I’ll be heading home now. And Magnus I want you to call me when all this is done, just so I know you’re alive and well.” Catarina said, looking critically at Magnus.

“More like you just want to make sure you get your payment,” Magnus smirked. “I taught you well. I’m proud,”

“Wait until you get my bill.” Catarina said.

Magnus chuckled. “With the pay I demanded from Jace, I think I can manage to pay you back,”

“What payment?” Alec frowned. “What did you ask from Jace Magnus?”

“When he asked me steal your stele, I told him there was no way I would do it.” Magnus replied. “He and Isabelle managed to convince he it was the best thing to do, and I told them they would both owe me big time. I’m talking 14th century treasure here, I don’t just go behind people’s backs and steal from them without suitable payment.”

“Sounds just like you.” Alec commented. “Good to know you at least got something out of it,”

“Haven’t got it yet, but that boy better deliver let me tell you. I feel bad enough about stealing from you, I won’t have him holding out on me too.”

Catarina giggled. “Well on that note boys, I’ll be heading off. Magnus do you want me to stop by your apartment on my way?”

“Lair.” Magnus corrected.

“Lair, whatever.” Catarina rolled her eyes.

“And no thank you, if it hasn’t been searched to within an inch of its life already I doubt there’s anything there I can use at the moment. You go on home Cat,”

“See you on the flipside Magnus,” Catarina opened up a portal, and slipped herself in, vanishing from the rooftop.

Magnus closed his eyes then, and sighed. He let his head fall onto Alec’s shoulder, and the Shadowhunter’s hand came down to grip his.

“We’re going back at sundown,” Alec murmured. “But if they try anything of any of us, we’re getting out. I’m not having anyone else get hurt.”

“Solid plan,” Magnus sighed. “This is going to end terribly.”

“I know.” Alec answered. “But don’t tell the others that.”

Alec looked up at the sky, which was beginning to show the first signs of sunset. Another couple hours, and the sky would be dark. His hand tightened its grip on Magnus’. He was terrified of returning home. He didn’t know what was going to happen. He’d have to give up Magnus, and that thought stopped his heart cold, seized it in the icy grip of fear. Magnus was warm against him, his breath flowing over his neck as he breathed steadily in and out, almost peacefully. The illusion was shattered only by how tightly he was gripping Alec’s hand.

Alec sighed heavily. “What even is my life?” he muttered. “How did I get here?”

Magnus shrugged with one shoulder. “A serious of unfortunate events?” he suggested.

“It’s not all unfortunate,” Alec murmured, leaning his head to one side to rest on Magnus’.

He felt Magnus smile. “Well thank you, I’m touched.”

Alec smiled a little. “I bet you’d be so thankful if you’d never met me though, none of this would be happening to you.”

“That’s true.” Magnus conceded. “But I think it’s worth it.”

“Really?”

Magnus smiled softly, shifting closer to Alec. “I love you.” He said simply. “That’s worth it.”

Alec closed his eyes and sighed.

“Love ultimately leads to pain in some way, that’s inevitable,” Magnus went on softly. “I’ve been through so much of that in my lifetime, so many lost loves. For the past century I hid my heart from the world so I wouldn’t get hurt anymore. I was convinced the pain wasn’t worth the brief moments of happiness. But then I met you. And I discovered that some loves, and some moments, are worth all the pain in the world.”

He moved his head to kiss Alec’s neck. “I would rather love you now, and suffer the pain of what’s going to come, then to have never loved you at all.”

Alec thought he was going to cry. No one had ever loved him so much, or thought of him so worthy of love than Magnus did.

“Keep talking like that and I might just fall in love with you too,” Alec joked, though his voice was rough and full of feeling.

Magnus chuckled quietly. “You’re already in love with me Alexander,” he murmured. “You just can’t recognise it yet.”

They sat there in comfortable silence, resting against one another, until Magnus had fallen asleep on Alec’s shoulder, and Alec was drifting off against Magnus. Through the one eye of his that was open, he noticed that the sky was darker. It was time.

Gently, he nudged Magnus awake.

“Time to go,” he whispered.

Magnus sighed, and got off Alec, waiting until the Shadowhunter was standing before taking his hand to help himself up. He looked up into Alec’s eyes, and before he could drown in the depths of their blue, he kissed the hand he was still holding, and nodded.

“Let’s go.”

They found the others waiting for them by the entrance, and together, they thanked Raphael for his help, and slipped out of the hotel.

Jace and Alec were on full alert, Alec had his bow half drawn and Jace had his blades in hand. Clary gripped her own blade inside her bag, somewhere in which the card holding the Cup lay hidden. Izzy’s whip was wrapped around her wrist, ready to serve at any given moment, and Magnus’ glowing cat eyes darted in every direction, magic pumping through his veins, ready to strike.

Alec’s phone buzzing nearly caused the entire team to attack each other, so fierce was the shock of the sudden noise. Magus had the sudden urge to laugh out loud at how stupid they were all acting. Alec read the text, and his mouth mashed into a line, brows furrowed in concern.

“What is it?” Izzy asked.

“It’s Lydia. She’s sending us a warning. Apparently the Circle got wind of our activity, they’re coming for Clary and the Cup. And for Magnus.”

“Me?” Magnus raised his eyebrows. “What did I do now?”

“Clary’s mom is under a spell and can’t be woken. Valentine knows it was one of yours,” Alec read from his phone.

“He wants me to undo the spell on Jocelyn? Over my dead body,” Magnus said viciously.

“I think he’d be agreeable with that,” Jace said dryly.

“Lydia says they tried to attack us before, when were at the Hotel Dumort, and they’re tracking us. They know we’ve left. We have to be careful,” Alec reported.

“So those Shadowhunters that attacked us before were the Circle?” Clary’s eyes widened.

Magnus glared at Alec. “I knew you were lying to me.”

“It didn’t seem important at the time,” Alec said sheepishly.

“Oh sure the Circle’s not a problem or anything,” Magnus began.

“Everyone be quiet!” Jace suddenly cried. “I hear something.”

The team went silent, not even daring to breathe. Alec and Jace wandered a bit away from the others, weapons at the ready. Izzy and Magnus stood on either side of Clary to protect her, looking this way and that, trying to find the threat Jace had heard. Clary gripped her blade so hard it hurt. Suddenly, there was smoke everywhere. It blinded them and made them choke, struggling to see anything or a way out of the cloud. Jace and Alec tried to find their way back to the others, but they were disorientated and finding it hard to breathe. Then Jace heard Clary scream, and the smoke disappeared just as suddenly as it had appeared.

Izzy was on her knees a little way away, breathing heavily. Clary stood very still, fear laced in her face, and behind her stood a Circle member, knife to her throat.

“Clary!” Jace cried.

“Magnus!” Alec saw with horror that Magnus was in a similar position to Clary, only he was glaring at his capture and clenching his fists.

Izzy struggled to her feet, and took out her whip. Alec drew his bow and glared at the Circle members holding Clary and Magnus.

“Not so fast Lightwoods,” the one holding a blade to Magnus’ throat sneered. “Drop your weapons or we kill the warlock and the girl.”

Jace snorted. “You need them alive. Your threats don’t scare us,”

“We need the warlock alive, but only barely.” Alec watched with murderous rage as a few droplets of blood fell from Magnus’ throat where the blade had pressed a little too hard.

“We can kill the girl and search her things. We know she has the Cup, we don’t need her to find it anymore.” The Circle member continued.

Clary shot pleading looks at Alec and Jace. Her eyes screamed to not do what they said, but what choice did they have? Alec and Jace looked at one another, lost. They were surrounded, more Circle members lurked in the shadows, unseen. What else could they do?

Then, like a shock of lightning, Magnus and Izzy moved. Izzy’s whip came to snag around the neck of the Circle member holding Clary, and pulled him backwards. His companions turned his head, and in being distracted spelled out his own doom, for at the right moment Magnus flipped around, sending him crashing to the ground with a flurry of blue flames.

“Go!” Izzy screamed.   

Out of the shadows, more members of the Circle appeared, surrounding them even as they tried to run. Caught up in the battle they couldn’t go anywhere, all they could was fight. But there was so many of them. Alec stayed back, creeping in the shadows, taking them down with his arrows, never missing once. He couldn’t see Magnus in the dark, but he could always find the warlock by the flashes of magic on the battlefield. Jace weaved through their enemies, slashing and ducking and diving, and Izzy slinked between her attacks, whip bringing them down as swiftly as a drink took down Alec at a club. Clary was doing her fair share of fighting, but she was mostly sticking with Jace and Magnus, who were protecting her from most of the worst attacks. Alec quickly assessed the situation, and realised the odds were turning quickly in the Circle’s favour. They were going to lose.

“Magnus!” Alec ran through the chaos, reaching the three with the ease of a stealthy cat in the dark.

“We have to get Clary out of here!” he shouted.

“He’s right, we need to protect the Cup at all costs.” Jace said.

“What? No I’m not leaving you!” Clary said, wide eyes darting between Jace, then Alec, and then Magnus.

“They’re right biscuit, we need you get you safely out of here. I can create a portal to just outside the Institute’s wards. I can’t enter myself without permission but Clary can get inside.” Magnus said.

“What if they follow you?” Jace asked.

“Then I’ll offer them tea and biscuits. I’ll kill them you idiot, what do you think?” Magnus growled irritably.

“Guys! _A little help here_!” Izzy shrieked.  

The boys immediately jumped back into action, while Magnus grabbed Clary’s wrist and dragged her out of the battle, no matter how much she protested. He quickly brought up a portal, and stood to defend Clary if the Circle realised what he was doing.

“Biscuit go! This is the best thing you can do for them now!” he ordered.

“But –” Clary looked ready to cry.

“Sorry Clarissa,” Magnus pushed her back into the portal, and she fell through it screaming.

He sighed, and was about to close it when Alec fell in step beside him.

“You have to go too Magnus,” he said.

“What? If you think I’m leaving you here you’re much mistaken,” Magnus frowned.

“They want you too, you and Clary both need to get inside the Institute.” Alec shot an arrow over his shoulder to keep a Circle member of them. “You have to get out of here!”

“I am _not_ leaving without you Alexander!” Magnus cried.

Alec glanced at the battle, which was all-too quickly turning south. His eyes flickered back to Magnus.

“I love you,” he whispered, and suddenly Magnus was being pushed back into his own portal.

The sudden movement disorientated Magnus, and he was unable to keep the portal open any longer, and so he went hurtling through it, landing just a few feet away from Clary, on the ground by the Institute’s doors.

“Alexander!” Magnus cried. “You idiot! If you die I’m going to kill you!”

Magic already drained from the battle and portal making so soon after his recovery, he sighed and picked himself off the ground, making his way over to Clary, helping her up.

“Come on biscuit. We’re done for the night,” he said.

Clary looked at Magnus, big eyes welling in tears. She looked like how Magnus felt. He put a comforting hand on her shoulder.

“They’ll be okay.” He lied. “Trust me.”

Clary didn’t smile. Neither did Magnus. Then, the doors to the church opened, and Lydia Branwell’s tell-tale high heels clacked on the concrete, as she came out to inspect the sudden disturbance their presence had caused.

“Magnus Bane, Clary Fairchild.” She acknowledged, her tone surprised. “You’re alone?”

“Long story.” Magnus said. “One that involves your fiancée’s and his sibling’s possible early deaths.”

Lydia frowned in worry. “You’d better come inside, and tell me everything then. Leave nothing out.”

“Yes ma’am,” Magnus muttered dryly and as he and Clary reluctantly followed her.

“Are we going to be arrested?” Clary asked Magnus quietly.

“I don’t know biscuit. I don’t know.” Magnus answered.

He bit his bottom lip, thoughts turning to Alec and the others still in battle.

 _Please be safe Alexander_. He pleaded. _Just come back in one piece._


	9. Chapter 9

Clary sat curled in a ball on her bed, clutching a pillow to her chest. Magnus sat at the edge of her bed, looking up at the ceiling, and nervously playing with the rings on his fingers. It had been several hours since they’d parted ways with the others, it was nearing midnight, and the two were on edge. Lydia had sent Shadowhunters to find the Lightwoods and assist them, but so far no reports had come back. Magnus closed his eyes. He knew this would end badly.

Clary and Magnus had told Lydia everything she wanted to know – well, maybe not everything. They neglected to mention her possession of the Cup, and of Magnus’ feelings for Alec, but she didn’t need to know those things. Lydia so far had taken no action towards them, she seemed to believe their story and had left them to their own devices on the one rule that they couldn’t leave. So basically they were under house arrest until the others got back. If they got back.

Magnus clenched his fist, forcing himself to stop thinking so negatively. His eyes glanced down at the balls of screwed up paper that littered Clary’s room. She had been drawing rather aggressively a few hours ago, throwing everything she drew out almost immediately, but now she was just sitting there in silence, eyes wide open and glassy with tears, like a broken doll. Magnus wanted so badly to comfort her, but he was in the exact same state. He wasn’t even willing to move from his spot on Clary’s bed. He wished the wall would just swell up and swallow him.

“How are their parents going to feel…?” Clary murmured. “Getting a message all the way in Idris that all three of their children are dead?”

“Clary don’t say that, you can’t think like that. We don’t know what’s happened.” Magnus sighed.   

“It’s all my fault.”

“Clary no –”

“If I just gave the Cup to the Clave…if I hadn’t insisted on finding my mom alone. If I had listened to Alec and not broken the rules so many times…”

“Clarissa Fray, stop that.” Magnus said firmly. “We can spend all day blaming ourselves but it won’t solve anything. Now, I insist that you get your petite behind into a shower and clean yourself up, come out fresh and calm and then eat something.”

Clary wiped her eyes with her hand as Magnus got off the bed and helped her up. He couldn’t mope about no matter how broken he felt. He had to look after Clary, she was such a young girl after all, and he had to be strong for her sake. He ushered her into the bathroom while he waited outside. Hearing the spray of the water he closed his eyes, allowing tears to run down his face. He let himself cry for exactly one minute before he wiped away his tears and fixed his makeup, determined not to breakdown while he had Clary to think of. The poor girl must be feeling so alone, her mother gone and her friends in danger, her boyfriend – well, they weren’t official but you could tell what was between them – possibly dead in battle. Magnus found himself able to relate to that on so many levels. He hated the Circle, they had taken so many good people from him. He’d thought he’d escaped the pain and heartbreak of The Uprising, separated himself from the damage that war had done, but even now they were _still_ taking his loved ones away from him. If Alexander was dead, Valentine would know pain. Valentine would know fear by the end, he would know the rage and the wrath of a warlock, and he would _fear him_ in the end.

Clary emerged from the shower in fresh clothes, her face washed and hair tied up in a towel. Magnus spent the next twenty minutes brushing out her long red curls, and drying them with his magic. It seemed to soothe Clary, and the rhythmic combing calmed Magnus down too.

There was a commotion that seemed to be happening outside, and Clary and Magnus looked at one another. Curious and slightly afraid, they got up and wandered out of the room. They found Lydia walking down the hall and instantly fell into step with her, following her into the control room by the doors.

“What’s happening?” Clary asked.

“There’s been a disturbance at the barrier,” Lydia reported. “We’ll see what soon.”

Clary turned to Magnus, who shrugged and tried to look reassuring. It could be the Circle trying to get in, and that thought didn’t bode well for their friends in the field. Sighing at Magnus, Clary turned to face the doors, apprehensive and slightly worried.

“JACE!”

In a second Clary turned into a blur of vibrant orange, and she was bolting down the hall into Jace’s waiting arms. Jace smiled, though he looked exhausted as he held her tightly to him. He looked up at Lydia over Clary’s shoulder, and nodded slowly. Behind Jace, Izzy came strutting in beside her tired brother, who smiled up the hall, but whether the smile was directed at Magnus or Lydia, Magnus couldn’t tell. Magnus smiled back in any case. He made to take a step towards him but stopped himself. They were in the Institute now, and in front of Alec’s fiancée. He couldn’t do anything that he wanted to. He couldn’t take Alec in his arms and press himself close, couldn’t kiss him and hold his hands and bury his face into his chest in relief that he’s alive and well. He couldn’t do anything but give a sad but relieved smile. He walked towards the Lightwoods, and smiled up at Alec. Alec returned the smile, but he could see the exhausted etched into his face.

“You made it in one piece then,” he said lightly. “We were beginning to think you three were a lost cause.”

“We had a bit of help from the vampires,” Alec replied. “And some Shadowhunters on the way back. We’re alright.”

“Good.” Magus whispered, letting his eyes fall away from Alec’s face and step back, tugging Clary reluctantly out of Jace’s arms as they all faced Lydia.

“Magnus and Clary informed me of what has happened this past week.” Lydia said. “I suggest you all take the time to rest, then we will discuss our course of action as dictated by the Clave.”

“What’s the point? If you’re just going to arrest us anyway just get on with it,” Jace said bitterly.

“Arrest you? Now why would I do that?” Lydia smiled.

It wasn’t an unkind smile, but something about it put Jace ill at ease. Like she knew something they didn’t.

“Please, I insist that you rest yourselves. We’ll talk afterwards,”

Seeing no other choice, the team reluctantly returned to their rooms to shower and eat. Clary barely left Jace’s side, and he fell asleep with his head in her lap as she combed her fingers through his hair. Izzy went to sleep almost immediately after her shower, but Alec had no interest in rest. He went to the training room, and Magnus couldn’t help but follow him.

“This habit of yours, to hit things whenever you have an emotion to work through, does it ever work?” he asked sardonically as Alec trained with the punching bag.

Alec rolled his eyes. “Very funny.”

“Well I certainly thought so yes,” Magnus smirked.

Alec sighed, and didn’t look at him. He just kept on training.

“To answer your question, yes, it does work.”

“Oh?”

“Well, maybe it doesn’t work per say.” Alec winced. “But it helps.”

“I see.” Magnus’ smile was amused, and as he sat watching the Shadowhunter, he couldn’t help but start to giggle.

“What’s so funny Magnus?” Alec muttered.

“Nothing, I’m just a little delirious.” Magnus beamed. “You’re _alive_. And _I’m_ alive. I’m just…happily surprised.”

Alec spared him a glance, and smiled. “Me too.”

“Now all we have to do is take on the Clave, no big deal,” Magnus shrugged.

“Yeah, no pressure.” Alec replied casually.

“You should rest Alexander,” Magnus said pointedly.

“You think I could sleep now? No way, too jittery.”

“That’s not going to get any better the more you stay up. I can use a spell to help you sleep if you’d like. Free of charge,” Magnus smiled.

Alec stopped hitting the punching bag to look at Magnus. “Am I the only one exempt from your charges?”

“Maybe,” Magnus said teasingly.

"Why?"

“It’s because you’re so cute.”

“Uh-huh.” Alec responded flatly, but there was a grin on his face that Magnus appreciated.

He could hardly expect Alec to act normally in this place. Of course they had to keep their feelings for each other on the down-low here. Alec took Magnus’ advice, and went to his room after a long shower – one that Magnus would have given anything to join him in – and slipped into bed, grumbling something about not being tired.

Magnus chuckled at him as he weaved his spell over his head. “Hush my dear Alexander,” he murmured. “Close your mind and go to sleep. May you have only the best dreams,”

The spell complete, Alec fell asleep almost instantly. Magnus couldn’t resist lingering there, stroking Alec’s hair and pressing soft kisses to his forehead. He left after a while, not wanting to get caught, and occupied himself in the library, waiting for the others to wake up and face their judgement.

It seemed only a moment had passed between sitting down by Hodge in the library and standing in the office with the others facing Lydia, but in reality it had been several hours. Magnus stood closest to the door as agreed by the others, Clary next to him in case they needed to make a quick exit. Jace and Alec stood in front of Lydia’s desk with Izzy between them. They all held their breath in anticipation. Lydia stood up to speak.

“I’ve had word from the Clave regarding these recent events,” she said.

“Let me guess, we’re under arrest for treason.” Jace said lazily.

“And I’m a dead man walking,” Magnus muttered.

“Now I can’t imagine why any of you would think that,” Lydia blinked. “After all, you were only doing as directed.”

“What?” Clary frowned. She looked at the others, whose confused faces mirrored hers.

“Yes,” Lydia smiled, as though it were obvious what she was talking about. “Jace Wayland and Clary Fairchild were on special mission to find the Mortal Cup. As for Isabelle Lightwood and Alexander, they were acting against an injustice placed on Meliorn and in response Shadowhunters teamed up with Downworlders to see him safely returned to his people as a sign of goodwill. Magnus Bane was operating in secret as a decoy, acting his part of a fugitive very convincingly so that Jace and Clary could continue their search for the Cup while other darker powers were convinced Magnus had the information. You all teamed up in the end to stop an ill-fated battle between Shadowhunters and vampires who believed they wished to harm Magnus Bane, and in doing so saved many lives. The Circle believed Clary to have retrieved the Cup and came after her, but she was secured safely by Magnus Bane, and all of you by both vampires and Shadowhunters. Clary and Jace were unsuccessful in their search for the Mortal Cup and the Clave continues their search, but sends their regards of your sacrifice.”

Lydia turned her smile to Alec. Magnus’ head snapped up to Alec, who was staring in astonishment.

Lydia looked back at everyone. “This is the account of the past week as the Clave understands it,” she said. “No one knows the truth but those of us in this room, and the truth will never leave this room.”

“Lydia…” Alec’s throat closed, unable to finish his sentence.

“You lied to the Clave…for us?” Jace looked like he’d been slapped.

“I didn’t lie. I bent the truth,” Lydia smiled.

Clary jumped over the desk to give Lydia a hug. Lydia looked shocked at first, but returned the hug with a smile. Izzy stepped around the desk to hug Lydia as well, while the boys just nodded to her in gratitude.

“Lydia my dear, I could kiss you.” Magnus smiled. “I thank you, you’ve saved my life.”

“The pleasure is all mine Magnus,” Lydia said. “I never wanted this to come to violence.”

“A fine Shadowhunter,” Magnus replied. “It seems your generation will be a sparkling future indeed. Defending Downworlders? Working with them? Unheard of. But, I suspect I will see great things come from all of you in the years to come.”

“Wise words.” Lydia murmured. “You may go home if you wish Magnus, and the rest of you? Welcome home. And well done.”

Leaving that office was like having a weight pulled off Magnus’ shoulders, only to have another piled on. They were free from the Clave, but Alec was still bound to marry Lydia. Magnus sighed and tried to act like he didn’t care. It was inevitable, he knew this was going to end in tears one way or another. He didn’t want to squander their victory tonight by being sad over a boy. He couldn’t do anything about it, and it was enough to know Alec loved him.

Wait a minute – he _loved_ him!

Alec told him he loved him! Right before he pushed him through the portal! Magnus spun around and faced Alec, who stopped abruptly as Magnus stopped walking.

“We need to talk.” He said. “Preferably very soon.”

Alec saw the look in Magnus’ eyes, and nodded. “Yeah you’re right,” he said in a deep exhale. “My room?”

Magnus followed Alec to his room while the others went somewhere to celebrate and rest. The atmosphere was awkward, even to Magnus who rarely let himself feel awkward. It was obvious Alec was trying to keep his distance from Magnus, but the warlock was having none of that, and positioned himself right in front of the too-tall Shadowhunter, staring up at him with sad eyes. Alec tried his best to avoid looking at those eyes.

“Well?” Magnus murmured. “What now?”

Alec sighed. “You know what.”

“I do, I’m just hoping you’ll surprise me and say the opposite.” Magnus bit his bottom lip, and looked down. “I’d like to not be right all the time for once.”

He sounded on the verge of tears. Alec closed his eyes. He didn’t think he could handle this right now. Or ever for that matter.

Lydia came down the hallway, having forgot to tell Alec something important. She was about to knock on the slightly askew door when she heard voices. Was he busy? Should she not disturb him? She didn’t mean to start eavesdropping, but she heard the sound of crying and she grew concerned.

“Magnus don’t cry,” Alec sounded retched, Lydia pressed herself closer to the door to peek through the crack.

Magnus wiped at his eyes, shaking his head. “I’m sorry,” he said shakily. “I can’t help it. I’m sorry,”

He took a deep breath and look up at Alec. “Okay,” he sighed. “I’m fine.”

“You’re not fine,” Alec said.

“Neither are you,” Magnus replied, smiling sadly. “We’re a couple of broken messes.”

“Practically made for each other,” Alec rolled his eyes.

Magnus laughed humourlessly, tears stinging the corner of his eyes. “Please don’t say that,”

“Sorry.” Alec bit his lip.

Magnus sighed. He didn’t seem to know where to look. He kept his eyes up at Alec.

“You told me you loved me,” he said quietly.

Lydia stifled her gasp behind her hand.

“I did – I _do_ – I…” Alec looked like was going to pass out. He frowned sadly down at Magnus. “I’m sorry…I shouldn’t have said that. I’ve gone and made this ten times worse.”

“It’s alright.” Magnus said, in a tone that suggested it was in no way alright. “I’m not sure whether it’s a relief to know or a heartbreak,”

“I still shouldn’t have done that. I’m getting married…you don’t deserve this Magnus. I’m so sorry, you know if I could I’d –”

Magus silenced Alec with a finger to his lips. “I understand.” He whispered.

Alec swallowed, guilt etched onto his face. “This isn’t fair on you,”

“You’re damn right this isn’t fair on me. I’m too cute to be having this many problems,” Magnus tried to joke, but his voice wobbled at the end, his smile shaky and not believable. “Don’t worry about me Alexander, worry about you and your family.”

“You’re _part_ of my family,” Alec said on instinct. He seemed to realise what he said, and blinked. “Well…I mean you’re part of my _life_ , and you _could_ be part of my family…if…you know…”

Magnus managed to chuckle. “Has anyone ever told you how utterly adorable you are Alexander?”

Alec muttered something about teasing warlocks while Magnus just watched him with big sad eyes.

“But I should go,” he murmured. “I don’t think you’d appreciate me hanging around when your wedding happens.”      

“Magnus…”

“Do me a favour? Don’t call me.” Magnus said, fiddling nervously with his rings. “It’s…better that way. For me you understand. Hearing from you would be…unpleasant, given the circumstances.”

“I don’t want you to go,” Alec whispered heartbrokenly.

“And I don’t want to go Alexander,” Magnus almost hiccupped. “But I have to. Goodbye Alexander,”

He made to turn but before he could even move Alec swooped down and kissed him, stunning the warlock into stillness. There was only a second of hesitation before he kissed back, reaching up on his tiptoes to wrap his arms around Alec’s neck. Lydia suddenly felt very guilty for intruding on this private moment. This was clearly not something for her eyes, but she couldn’t look away.

Magnus and Alec broke away from each other, and Magnus rested his hand on Alec’s cheek, brushing his thumb over his cheekbone.

“I will _always_ love you, Alexander Lightwood.” He murmured. He pulled Alec’s head down to kiss his forehead. “And I will _never_ forget you. I wish you luck, and I wish you all the happiness in the world,”

Alec was unable to reply, he just looked away, a few stray tears falling down his cheeks as Magnus let go of him, and turned away. Lydia scrambled up and away from the door, as quietly as she could she ducked down the hallway and sprinted back to her office. Her hasty retreat made her forget all about the news she was supposed to give Alec, and she didn’t remember until Magnus was long gone and Alec was once again beating up a practise dummy in the training room.

She remembered her news with a painful jolt, sitting to full attention in her chair. She had to tell Alec immediately, this could change everything! She got up from her chair and ran – walked swiftly, a lady never ran – towards the training room. She thought Alec would be happy to hear her news, and now she was more certain than anything, knowing that he and Magnus were in love, he was sure to be happy once she’d talked to him!

“Alec I have something I need to tell you!” she cried as she entered the training room.

“Lydia? What is it? Is something wrong?” Alec asked looking up from his training.

She beamed and ran at him, grasping his hands in hers and ignoring his shocked expression.

“We don’t have to get married!” she smiled. “The Institute is yours!”      

She’d never forget the look on Alec’s face when she said that.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> can you tell I wrote this at 1am? no?

“W-What…? Lydia what…?” Alec shook his head, trying to comprehend what Lydia had said.

“I forgot to tell you! Because of my report, the Clave has decided you have shown your ability to lead and your dedication to your work. They’re handing over control back to the Lightwoods!” Lydia beamed, her face bright like the 4th of July.

Alec blinked slowly. “Really? They’re…giving us back the Institute?”

“Not only that, but they’re putting _you_ in charge.” Lydia said.

“Me?” Alec felt a sudden swaying sensation and had to sit down. “I’m the Head of the Institute…”

“Isn’t this wonderful Alec? Your parents can come home from Idris now, and you and I don’t have to get married. The Lightwood name is restored,” Lydia smiled.

Alec looked up. “What about you? You always wanted to run your own Institute.”

“Oh don’t worry about that.” Lydia dismissed. “I might hang around and help you out if you need me, that’ll be enough for me. This is much more important.”

But Alec didn’t seem as happy as he should have been. She frowned, stepping towards him.

“Don’t you see? You can be with Magnus now,” she said.

Alec’s head shot up in alarm. “How do you know about Magnus?”

“It’s sort of obvious, Magnus isn’t exactly subtle.” Lydia lied. “I also overheard him saying he loved you when I came back to tell you this earlier, but I didn’t want to intrude.”

Alec slumped back in his seat again.

“It’s alright Alec, it’s not something to be ashamed of.” Lydia said soothingly. “I’m sorry for making you two fight each other, it’s partly my fault for sending those teams after you. I couldn’t help but be worried about you, but if I’d have known how you felt about each other I would have let you go alone,”

“It’s okay Lydia. You were just worried.” Alec muttered.

“But why aren’t you happy?” Lydia frowned. “Don’t you want to be with Magnus?”

“I do but…” Alec sighed and broke off.

“But what?”

Alec looked at her. “He’s a Downworlder. My parents…”

“Oh,” Lydia said in a hushed tone. “Yes I understand.”

“More than that he’s a guy, they’ll never stand for that.” Alec went on. “And he’s a warlock…Lydia he doesn’t age. He won’t ever die. I’m mortal, worse than that I’m a Shadowhunter, we die young.”

He looked away, eyes growing sad. “He’ll love me only to lose me. I don’t want to put him through that. And after everything I’ve put him through already, I can’t bear to get his hopes up again only to die or to be torn away from him in some other way,”

“Well, think of it this way.” Lydia said pragmatically. “Whether you’re together or not, he’s going to be affected by your death, he loves you. And you love him. He’s not going to stop feeling that just because you stay away from each other. Wouldn’t it be better to be together now, and share that love, then to ignore it and be miserable?”

There was some sense to what Lydia said. It made Alec think of Magnus. He’d said that some loves, and some moments, were worth all the pain in the world. Alec frowned.

“You’re right.” He muttered. “You’re so right.”

He got up and grabbed his phone, dialing the warlock’s number. There was no answer.

“He’s not picking up,” Alec said.

“It’s 7am and I don’t think he’s slept at all yet, he’s probably asleep.” Lydia said mildly. “He’s been through a lot. Maybe wait a few hours, get some more sleep yourself, and call again later.”

Alec did what Lydia suggested. He called Magnus again at midday, but again, there was no answer. He frowned. He rang again in the afternoon, and again in the evening, but it went to voicemail every time. Alec left progressively desperate voicemails asking to talk to Magnus, to see him, to call him back, but Magnus never answered. It looked like he was serious about not speaking to him again.

“That’s it! I give up, I’m going to die alone and miserable!” Alec threw his hands in the air and flopped down onto his bed in despair.

Izzy and Clary looked at one another, then back to the Shadowhunter lying face first on his bed.

“This is sad,” Jace muttered from the doorway. “If I ever start acting like this someone slap me,”

“Okay.” The girls said simultaneously.

“I didn’t mean – oh forget it. Oi Alec, don’t forget to breathe over there.”

They heard a large gasp of air, and Alec moved his head to one side to breathe. Izzy rolled her eyes. Magnus wasn’t picking up any of their calls, they’d tried on each of their phones. It seemed he wanted nothing more to do with Shadowhunters and their nonsense.

Suddenly Alec’s phone buzzed, and like a lightning bolt Alec’s arm shot out to grab it. He read the text on the screen and frowned sadly.

“It’s Magnus.” He said. “Says to stop calling him.”

“Then go see him,” Izzy shrugged.

“Oh yeah that’ll work.” Alec said sarcastically. “He wouldn’t let me in,”

Izzy sighed irritably. “Fine then, ignore my suggestions. Clary what do you think he should do?”

“I don’t know, moping around here seems to be the best option so far,” Clary said lazily.

“Yeah, wallow in self-pity long enough, someone’s bound to come along and notice. I hear the silent brooding type are what people go for these days,” Jace said.

“I hate you all.” Alec muttered into his pillow.

“We’ve given our advice Alec, now it’s up to you. Either you sis in this room and feel sorry for yourself, or you can take the chance and knock on Magnus’ door.” Izzy said.

The three left him to his misery, and he glanced at the clock. It was 10pm. Magnus lived in Brooklyn, and a long way from the Institute. Alec remembered the way there, his memory was sharp like that. But it would take him some time to get there, and he didn’t want to drive like a mundane he’d probably kill himself on the road. Cabs were a mystery to him – Jace usually handled that when they needed to – and the subway was too out of the way from Magnus’ place. He lay there thinking for several minutes, weighing up his options.

He doesn’t remember falling asleep. But when he wakes up, it’s at 11:35. Groggily Alec sits up, running a hand over his face. He checks the time and sighs. He couldn’t go to Magnus’ now. He lay back down dejectedly, deciding he’d have to go in the morning. A slight shimmer caught his eye, and he noticed glitter on his pillow. Not surprising, Magnus must have left it there when he’d put him to bed. Glitter always seemed to follow Magnus wherever he went.

Watching the glitter sparkle in the faint light of his lamp made his heart clench. He wanted Magnus here. He wanted to hold Magnus’ hand, he wanted to kiss Magnus. He wanted to hear Magnus laugh and see him smile, watch the magic dance in his eyes when he teased him. He decided he couldn’t wait until morning. He had to see Magnus now. He got up, gave himself five minutes to change clothes, and headed out.

 

The frantic knocking woke him up from what was previously a nice dreamless sleep. Magnus frowned against his pillows. He glanced at his clock and scowled in irritation. It was past midnight! Who the hell was waking him up at this kind of time? Someone had better be dying! Grumbling and scowling, Magnus wrapped his red satin robe around him and got up, muttering insults and threats under his breath and stood before his front door.

“WHO DARE DISTURBS THE HIGH WARLOCK OF BROOKLYN?” He demanded.

It was his favourite way to scare the people who disturbed him at times like this. He sounded especially terrifying when he was just a disembodied voice. After all looking at Magnus, he wasn’t very intimidating. He was small and dainty and always covered in glitter and extravagant outfits. His makeup made him look somewhat formidable, but right now his face was bare and his hair down, so he wasn’t very scary.

“Magnus it’s Alec. I need to see you!”

Magnus slammed his palm to his forehead. No. Not this again. He couldn’t deal with whatever Alec was bringing to his door. He didn’t even want to see Alec.

“Go away.” He snapped. “I thought I told you to leave me alone Alexander. I don’t want to see you.”

“Please.” Alec pleaded. “Please Magnus I need to see you,”

“I don’t care.” Magnus said harshly. It was a lie, and Alec knew it.

“If you didn’t care you wouldn’t be calling me Alexander.”

Magnus sighed. Dammit. He was quick this boy. He considered just ignoring him and going back to bed, but he couldn’t be that cruel to Alec. Reluctantly, he opened the door, and looked up at his Shadowhunter.

“You look like you just lost a fight with a truck,” Magnus raised an eyebrow at Alec’s disheveled appearance.

“I was in a hurry,” Alec panted, still trying to catch his breath.

“Did you…did you run all the way here?”

Alec nodded. Magnus’ eyes softened, and he couldn’t help the smile that appeared on his face.

“Stupid Nephilim. Why would you go and do something so silly?” he murmured affectionately.

“Because I had to see you.” Alec said, taking a step forward. He was half in the doorway and half outside, towering over Magnus as the warlock gripped the doorframe, swallowing nervously at Alec’s close proximity.

Alec was leaning so close to Magnus he could feel the heat off his skin. “I had to tell you…”

“Yes?” Magnus prompted gently, trying to control his heart beat, which was beating erratically. “Tell me what?”

The two were so close now, it wasn’t hard for Alec to lock lips with Magnus in that moment. Magnus gasped softly, but melted into the kiss like he’d been expecting it. Alec wrapped his arms around Magnus and tipped him back slightly, making Magnus cling to him. Damn the Shadowhunter could be smooth when he wanted to be, he sure knew how to sweep a warlock off his feet.

“I’m not getting married,” he muttered pulling away, just long enough to say that, then leaning in and kissing Magnus again.

“You’re what?” Magnus gasped in between kisses.

“Not getting married,” Alec replied, kissing Magnus again.

Magnus would ordinarily let Alec kiss him all damn night if he wanted, lord knows he couldn’t possibly get enough of those lips, but not when he was trying to talk to him.

“Alec,” he mumbled, letting Alec kiss him again and again. “Alexander…”

Magnus sort of gave up the fight at that point and let Alec press him against the wall by his door and keep kissing him. He felt like he was drowning in Alec, and he weaved his fingers through his black hair to keep him in place. Alec had apparently thought he’d given Magnus all the information he needed and was content to just kiss him forever, but Magnus wanted answers.

“Alec,” he panted, trying to stifle his rising giggles. “I’m trying… _mphf_ …to talk to you…”

Alec pulled away, breathing heavily. His face was so red it looked like it was sunburned. Magnus fought the urge to laugh. His Shadowhunter looked so bashful, when five seconds ago he was so passionate. He felt himself slip in even deeper love with him. Magnus smiled at him, and rolled his eyes fondly.

“Typical Shadowhunter, breaking down my door, giving me half a sentence then kissing the life out of me.” he said.

“Sorry…” Alec breathed. “I just…sorry…”

Magnus chuckled. “Don’t apologise, I for one am not complaining. But you’d better come in here and explain yourself properly.”

It didn’t take long for Alec to recount what had happened between he and Lydia since Magnus had gone home, but Magnus had conjured them up coffee (and Alec questioned Magnus’ casual thieving habits, to which the warlock had merely shrugged) and sat them on the couch to talk.

“Why didn’t you just tell me that?” Magnus asked.

“I _tried_. You weren’t picking up my calls.” Alec said.

“I mean in your voicemails. You only said you wanted to see me, rather desperately I might add.” Magnus’ eyes narrowed slightly. “You had me in tears over those messages you know, stupid Nephilim, making me ruin my eyeliner and everything.”

Alec ducked his head guilty, mumbling an apology. Magnus sighed. Why was his Shadowhunter so cute that he just couldn’t stay mad at him? Magnus briefly wondered when he started calling Alec in his mind.

“Wait, I thought you were ignoring my voicemails,” Alec frowned.

“Of course I wasn’t.” Magnus huffed. “I think something’s wrong with me, maybe I’m a masochist? I listened to them all – twice. And I cried for far too long, why do you think my eyes are swollen right now? I look a mess thanks to you,”

“I’m sorry Magnus,” Alec murmured.

Magnus shifted on the couch to sit next to Alec – he was so close he was basically on him – and pressed his finger to his lips.

“Hush,” he said gently. “You don’t need to apologise anymore. I forgive you. I’d forgive you for anything,”

Alec didn’t know how to respond to that, so he leaned down to kiss Magnus. The warlock seemed to appreciate that response however, if the pleased purr was anything to go by, so he didn’t worry too much.   

“I love you,” Alec whispered.

Instantly, Magnus’ face broke into a beautiful smile. He brushed his fingers over Alec’s cheek.

“I love you too Alexander,” he replied. “Does this mean I get to keep you now?”

“For as long as you want,” Alec smiled.

“Can I keep you forever?” Magnus smirked teasingly.

“Sure.” Alec said, and kissed him again.

Magnus giggled against his lips, cupping Alec’s face in his hands. He let Alec kiss him, again and again and again, slightly surprised just how much Alec’s embarrassment fled when they were kissing. Maybe he was making up for lost time, or maybe he was better at this than using words, and Magnus was okay with either.

“It’s late,” Magnus murmured, his finger tracing patterns down Alec’s neck, smirking when Alec shivered at his touch. “Stay the night?”

He chuckled at the sudden fear that clouded Alec’s face. “Just to sleep Alexander, nothing else.”

Alec looked embarrassed. “Oh. Right. Of course,” he muttered, almost to himself.

Magnus shook his head fondly. “Oh I love you so much,” he murmured. “My silly Nephilim.”

Alec smiled shyly. Magnus chuckled.

“Is that okay?”

“What?”

Magnus smiled. “Me calling you mine? You don’t mind?”

“Not at all,” Alec gave a beautiful smile, one that seemed automatically appear when Magnus was around. “I’m a little worried about…you know my family…”

“Ah, the parents. It’s okay, I have years’ worth of dirt on those two, and I can always blackmail them to shut them up if they bother you too much.”

At Alec’s expression, Magnus burst into laughter. Alec wasn’t sure if he was joking or serious, but he decided not to ask.

“My darling Alexander if anyone bothers you about it you know I am always here to listen,” Magnus said. “I’m also ready to curse people at your request if you need it.”

Alec laughed nervously, still not sure if he was joking or not. Magnus got off the couch, and pulled Alec to his feet.

“But it’s time to sleep, yes? I don’t think either of us have gotten much sleep tonight.” Magnus tilted his head to one side. “You can take my room if you like,”

“No,” Alec said. “I can’t take your room from you.”

“Hmm…then…” Magnus slowly smirked. “You don’t mind spending the night with me?”

“No…?” Alec sounded so nervous it was adorable.

“I promise I’ll keep my hands to myself,” Magnus said holding his hands up. “Well, _mostly_. I promise I’ll _try_ anyway,”

“Magnus,” Alec chuckled. “Stop talking,”

Magnus smiled. “Sorry. Not my fault you’re so gorgeous,”

“Ssh,” Alec silence him with a quick kiss. “No talking, let’s sleep, before I change my mind.”

“Don’t worry darling, I never put out before the first date,” Magnus winked, and tugged Alec towards his bedroom.

“I’m so going to regret this aren’t I?” Alec grumbled.

Magnus just laughed.

It turned out, Alec didn’t regret a second of sleeping beside Magnus that night. Magnus had never once before been held for the entire night while he slept. Never before had any of his lovers held him close all night and murmured sweet nothings in his ear, stroking his back and kissing his hair, making him feel safe and loved.

Magnus slept in. it was to be expected, he had gotten hardly any sleep, and so waking up at midday wasn’t surprising to him. It also wasn’t surprising that Alec was gone from the bed, and in his place was a little note. Curiously, Magnus picked it up, and instantly started smiling.

_Sorry I had to leave early, Jace and I got called into the field. But I made you breakfast for when you wake up._

How did he get this lucky? Could Magnus adore Alec more? Somehow, Magnus knew the answer was yes, yes he could, and he would love to spend his days finding new reasons to adore his Shadowhunter. He flipped to the back of the note, and fell even more in love with his silly Shadowhunter.

_Also, date? Friday night? I’ll pick you up at 7. And don’t tease me too much, I’ve never done this before._

_I love you Magnus,_

_Your Alexander_

“Alexander, you perfect, perfect man.” Magnus murmured.

And if Alec noticed Magnus calling him _darling_ in his texts that day, and from that day onward, then he certainly didn’t mind.


End file.
